No matter the obstacles
by Unicorn47
Summary: A mysterious man wants to destroy Castle's life that seemed to be too perfect to be true. He takes away from him the most important person in his life- Alexis. Can Kate save Castle or will he satisfy the psychopath by giving up on his life, his family and Kate? COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Hello you beautiful people.

This is my very first english story, I wrote stories before but only two or three- and they were german. I have to admit my english is not the best and neither are my writing skills, sorry for that. But I just love making up stories and I always have that whole thing happening in my head, just writing it down is still difficult for me, but I hope you give it a try anyway

First chapter is just some fluff for the beginning, don't worry, drama is already on it's way.

Disclaimer: Haha funny, in my dreams.

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Chapter 1

Even after almost 9 months this whole situation is still unbelievable for him. It's all way too perfect, too perfect to be true. But it's real. Kate Beckett is his now and it doesn't seem like it could ever end between them, he really is sure that she could be his third time charm. Lying curled into his side Kate is sleeping in his bed with a smile on her face. She is happy, he thinks, finally. Every morning he's awake before her, every morning he's watching her for quite a while until she wakes up. In the beginning of their relationship she told him to stop and never do it again when she woke up and saw him staring at her but now it seems to be okay for her, at least she doesn't complain anymore.

Suddenly her lashes start to blink, she's waking up. ''Hello, my dear detective.'' ''Hey Cas.'' She smiles and Castle could see the love in her eyes. She's not said the three words yet but that's not even necessary. He can see that she loves him. He just knows it.

''Seems like we have a day off, hm? What do you want to do?''

'' I don't know, what about staying in bed… all day?'' She comes closer, her face not even one inch in front of his giving him THAT look and he can't do anything but gasp.

''That's a yes, I guess?''

''Hm-hm'', he agrees not able to say anything more because her lips are already on his. They kiss softly but still with passion, he can feel her desire for him and his body is immediately reacting. ''I haven't even really started yet, kitten, but thanks God we've already put our clothes off yesterday.'' She grins and turns on top of him, starting to place kisses down his neck to his stomach. He closes his eyes enjoying her exploring his body. Suddenly he feels her stopping, opening his eyes he finds her looking up at him in satisfaction. And again- THAT grin. Once again, she lowers her head and continues kissing his stomach but this time her kisses are so much slower, it's like she wants to torture him. She puts one kiss after another down his abdomen and with every kiss she's getting slower and slower. ''Damn, Kate, hurry up.'', Castle groans. But Kate just chuckles enjoying seeing him like this. Her next kisses are even more intensive and torturing than the ones before. With every kiss she can feel Castle more hardening under her which drives her crazy. Only seconds later she can't hold it anymore, she places her hips on his and lets him slowly entering her. Kate gasps. Moments like this make her realize that this whole thing is real and not just one of her dreams. They directly find their rhythm and with every move they get more and more aroused. Their moves get faster and harder, sweat is running down their bodies, their eyes dark with lust. Castle feels that he can't endure this any longer and reaches for her hips. With the next move he presses her even closer to him. Groaning Kate throws her head back surprised that that was even possible. They both can't and don't want to control themselves any longer. One last time Castle enters her with all his length and Kate feels like she's exploding inwardly. Even though they have already had many like really, really many rounds like this behind them she's still not used to it. Within seconds their orgasms hit them as hard as never before. At least it feels like that. But actually it always feels like that.

Exhausting Kate rolls off his sweaty body and lies next to him. ''That was nice.'', Castle says still out of breath. ''Just as always.'', Kate answers with a grin. ''Now, take a shower writer boy, you're sweaty.'' ''Why, Beckett? I thought a special someone suggested to spend the whole day in bed…shaking hands. I can't shower after every hand shake, that's totally unnecessary and also it would be a waste of water. Water is a limited resource on this planet and as you know waste of water is a big issue these days. You really want this world to end just because we are…shaking hands a lot?'' ''Fine, then don't shower. But round 2 has to wait, the last one made me hungry, let's get some coffee and something to eat in your kitchen first, ok?'' ''Your wish is my command, detective Beckett.'' He says, climbs out of bed and lifts her over his shoulder.''Stop it Castle, let me down!'' Kate screams in laugher without even trying to fight against him.

He can be so childish but that's what she loves about him the most. Of course he can be serious, too but she likes that 9-year boy so much more. It reminds her of the short time she had with her mom. She was just like him, never ashamed of being childish. When Kate was little, she always played ''School'' with her, of course Kate was the teacher. In that way she usually made her Mom do homework for her. Her mom knew but she didn't say anything because having fun with her daughter seemed so much more important for her then doing boring and senseless first class homework. And even when Kate was already in high school they kept their traditions. Every Wednesday evening they were watching old Disney movies. First Kate chose one, then her mom. She really does miss those times.

''Kate, is everything ok?'' Castle suddenly interrupts her thoughts. He had set her down on one of the kitchen chairs and is standing in front of her now. ''I was just thinking about my mom, she would have loved you.'' She looks up to him with a smile on her face but he could see the sadness in her eyes. ''And I would have loved meeting her.'' He gives her a kiss on the forehead and strokes her hair gently. They stay like this for a moment until Kate moves away from him but now she's deeply looking into his eyes. ''I'm sorry, Castle.'' He doesn't understand and gives her a confused look, ''what do you mean?''

''It's always the same, I'm always ruining everything. One moment everything is perfect and we have fun and I don't think of anything else but you. But then, in the other moment, I'm again that broken girl that can't deal with her past and the moment is completely ruined. This must be so annoying for you. I'm sorry Castle I could totally understand if you…''

''No Kate don't even say that! You are perfect to me, just the way you are. Your past made you to the strong woman you are today, the woman I fell in love with. It's a part of you and you can't just ignore and forget about it. I know that. I just want you to let me help you deal with it, ok?''

''Sometimes I don't understand how I deserve this, how I deserve you.'', she gives him a happy and also really thankful smile. ''Well of course there are a few things you could do for me in return.'' He grins. ''Aha? And what would that be?'' ''I don't know, surprise me, Kate.'' ''Oh, I think there are plenty of things I can do for you.'' She gets off the chair closer to him. She curls her arms around him and wants to kiss him when suddenly her phone rings. ''Let it go to voicemail. It's your free day, Kate.''It was never easy to say no to those blue puppy eyes but she just has to. ''I'm sorry, I just couldn't deal with a case being solved by the boys.'' Castle hesitates for a second but then he agrees, ''Me neither, here.'' He reaches for her phone on the table and hands it to Kate. ''Detective Beckett?'' ….''We will be there in about thirty minutes, don't solve the case without us, you hear me? See you at the crime scene!'' She hangs up. ''Seems like we still have to shower.'' Castle reaches for her hand, ''Wanna join, Detective?''

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Hope you will continue reading this story, and a special THANK YOU to my friend Paola, she helped me a lot with this.

I would really appreciate some reviews to improve my english and my writing style, but I won't beg for anything ;)

Next chapter will be uploaded in the next few days, I think. See you then !

Love


	2. Chapter 2

Hello there!

Shit is getting real now, I hope you like it :)

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Marlowe and ABC, I'm just a creepy fan making up stories.

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Chapter 2

After a literally hot shower they got dressed for their day, on their way to the crime scene they were just talking about some random stuff. Recently, they were talking about Alexis a lot, she was on semester vacation now and although she is living at Castle's apartment he hardly gets to see her there. And that hangover 9 months ago, that was nothing against her party excesses now. She hangs out with completely different people and many of her college friends live here in New York, too. So every day she meets someone else. And that boyfriend, he hasn't even met him yet, he kind of has a feeling of losing his little girl.

Beckett always tells him not to worry and that it's just a rebellious phase every teenager goes through, some do earlier some later. And the later, the worse. But she's sure it will get over and that it's just time to let her do her own thing, make own decisions, let her get more independent. But it's just so hard for him.

The boys had given Beckett the address of the crime scene earlier when they were on phone, it was a small and old book store he probably doesn't even know, Beckett told him, but when they arrived Castle was in shock.

Castle knew that shop just too well, he's spent a big part of his life in that book store. When his mother started to work again, at first she always took Castle with her, but then one day, Martha couldn't look after him and just put him on a chair with a little play car in his hands. And of course, as little kinds are, Castle got bored after some time and started to explore the theatre. It was very small and there was nothing special to do for him, so he decided to search for his mom to tell her he wanted to go home. He knew she would say no, but he also knew that with his puppy-look he could get everything he wanted. Soon he could hear her voice behind a door. Back then he didn't know what an actresses job is about, he just knew she had to talk and sing a lot. She practiced her roles everywhere, at home, under the shower, in the car, so he was assuming she was again just practicing.

But he obviously was wrong, when he entered the room he could see a big curtain and behind it, there was his mother dying in the arms of a stranger. Castle didn't know what was going on, so he just ran towards her screaming for help. But nobody came, when he finally reached her, he saw that she wasn't dead, she was pretty much alive staring at him with embarrassment in her eyes. A man far away was screaming to get Castle the hell out of there and suddenly a woman came from the same door he went through just seconds before and dragged Castle back off the stage. She was just laughing not like his mom or everybody else and told Castle that that was actually really cute but she also explained him that it was just his mother's role, that she had a big show that night. Castle was still in shock and didn't say a word but he was really pleased that at least one person wasn't mad at him. But unfortunately that woman was also a part of that play, so she told Castle that a man will be there in a few minutes and that he will take him to the most awesome place in the world. She just left Martha a short note where he was and then she was gone. Castle was scared, his Mom always told him not to go with any strangers, but the most awesome place in the world, maybe that was worth breaking the rules? And as she promised only a short time later a man came in the room asking if he was that special Richard Rogers who had the honor to come to his secret place with him. For Castles relief he knew the man, he had seen him at one of the dinners his mom made for her friends, later he heard that he was the prior owner of the theatre. So Castle decided that it must be okay to go with him, and it was, it was fantastic and it was the beginning of a very good, father-son kind of friendship.

The man took him to exactly that book store he was standing in front of right now, it almost hasn't changed, it just looks some years older but still the same as back then. From that day on, he went to that book store whenever his mom was working and couldn't find someone else to look for him and Castle loved it. He could spend hours in there, reading all kinds of books. It started in kindergarten, Castle wasn't able to read yet, so he always asked Max, the owner, to read it out loud for him, and he did. He was the one who taught him how to read and write, and even though he was only about 4 or 5 years old, Castle knew that he wanted to become a writer when he's adult. When he got older, as a teenager, Castle didn't go there that often, but if he came, he spend hours talking with Max about his problems with friends, school and also girls, and still he came there to read once a month. But then he started the Derrick Storm series and he could never find the time to go there, he was so occupied with his new ''amazing'' life that he completely forgot about Max. But then he killed Derrick and met Beckett, and since then he started to visit the shop again, not that often, but at least once a month. Actually he planned to visit Max in the next few days. Max was really old now, 87 years actually, so he can't work that much anymore, that's why the shop is only open at the weekends. But now police cars are standing in front of that shop, people were standing at the shop window trying to get a look at whatever happened in there.

''You ok, Castle?" , Beckett grabs his arm and is looking in his eyes. "You're as pale as a ghost."

"It's that shop…, but that's a longer story, I'll tell you later, ok? Can we just go in there and check what happened?" He said trying to talk as strong as he could but actually he was in panic, what if anything had happened to Max…what if he was dead? Of course Castle knew that he was already really old, but that doesn't mean that it's ok to die by murder. Kate was still worrying but she could see that it was more important for Castle to go in there now, the talk really could wait. So he just said "Of course." And they both went in there, Castle almost running in front of her. What was so special about his shop?

Entering the shop Kate saw Lanie kneeing in front of the dead body, an old man, under him a large pool of blood. Lanie greeted her and gave her some information about the body but Kate wasn't listening to her, she just nodded here and there. Where the heck was Castle? She scanned the room, it reminded her of that book shop she always went with her Mom to, but that was years ago and a completely different district.

The shop was full of people now, police men, medical examiners, and some other people from the 12th. But it took her some time to find Castle, he was standing at a door in front of a book shelf, a book in his hands. Why?!He knew he isn't allowed to touch evidence! She walks over to him fast, already starting to think of what things she can yell at him, that its irresponsible, that she already told him over one hundred times, but then, when she reaches him she can't t say a word. He's holding a heat wave copy in his hands, reading the dedication. She reads it over his shoulder:

"To Max,

who showed me the most awesome place in the world. Thank you for everything you've done for me, thank you for pushing that passion growing inside of me, thanks to you I found the muse of my life.

You will always be like a father to me, I love you,

Rick. "

"Oh my god, Rick I didn't know…I'm so sorry." She whispers in shock and grabs his hand. She has never met that man before, but reading this told her that he was someone really important in Castle's life. "You want to go ? I come with you if you want." She could see him trying to hold tears back. It broke her heart seeing him like this. "Yeah, that would be good." His voice is cracked and he just wants to get out of here. Kate doesn't even tell the others that they leave, she can send them a text message later, she needs to be there for him just like he always was for her. Still holding his hand she walks out of the shop, Castle closer behind her. Outside there are not as many people as before but there still was no privacy and she knows he wants to be alone now. She didn't even know if she should let him alone for some hours, give him some space or if he wants her to stay. "Home?" , she asks. "Yeah." She grabs the keys and they go to the car in silence, on their drive to Castle's loft Kate didn't want to say anything, afraid it could be wrong. When she felt bad back then, she didn't want to talk to anyone. But this was Castle, not her. She turned up the radio to break the silence, thanks god there was only music on, no news about the murder. After about 15 minutes they finally reached his apartment, she stopped the car and waited for a second. "You want me to leave you alone for some hours?" She looked at him in worry but he was just staring at the street. "No, please stay."

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Thanks for reading, next chapter will be up soon.

Reviews are always appreciated ;)

and btw HAPPY CASTLE MONDAY ! (Or for me and all the Europeans HAPPY CASTLE TUESDAY!)

and again, a biig THANK YOU to my Internet bestie Paola, loveballs :)


	3. Chapter 3

Hello again :) it took me some days to write this chapter but I just don't like to interrupt my writing "sessions", I rather take some time and write a whole chapter at a time...

und liebe Grüße an meine deutsche Leserin, vielen, vielen Dank für die Review :)

Disclaimer: No, just no.

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Chapter 3

„No, please stay."

He says it really quiet but still she could hear it. He turns his head towards her, deeply looking into her eyes. It breaks her, seeing Castle like this is just so unbelievable, he always seems like nothing could destroy him, like he is always in a good mood. She had seen that look in his eyes only two times so far, when he entered her apartment after it had exploded and when she got shot and he was kneeing over her, begging her to stay. And she did. And now she will stay again, but this time she will be there for him.

She gives him a sad smile, nodded and opened the car door. In silence they go up to the loft, Kate following Rick. His steps are small and slow, his shoulders slouched. He opens the door and goes straight to his bedroom, not saying any word to Kate. She stands there watching him but she feels so bad because she really doesn't know what to do now. Following him or letting him alone. She decided to let him some privacy for a little while and then she would go and look for him. In the meantime she prepares a hot chocolate for him, her mother always made hot chocolate when Kate felt bad, and even though she knew that you can't come these little things because of which she cried back then to the lost of…yeah of whom? Castle wrote in that dedication that the man was like a father for him, Castle once told her that he doesn't miss having a father because you can't miss something you have never had, but maybe he doesn't miss it because he actually has a father, not biological but emotional. She puts a marshmallow in the cup and goes to the bedroom, hoping that Castle will let her in.

She knocks on the door. Nothing. "Castle? Can I come in?" Again, nothing. She isn't sure about this but she just opens the door and walks in his bedroom. The light is turned off, and she can only see the shape of his body on the big bed in the middle of the room. She can't see his face or any reaction, so she walks to the side of his bed where his head is turned to. She puts the cup down on the nightstand and sits next to him on the bed. Now she can see his face, not any emotions in his eyes, he was just staring into empty space. She stroke his face with her hand, she knows he won't talk to her now. "Hey, I made you a cup of hot chocolate, I know that it won't help but I honestly don't know what to do… when I lost my mom nothing could help me, everything my family and friends tried seemed so ridiculous to me and it was and I know this is also ridiculous, but I just want you to know that you're not alone, you hear me? You're not alone and I won't go anywhere, Castle." Still no reaction.

She doesn't know what else to say so she stands up and goes to the other side of the bed, puts her shoes and clothes off and puts on one of Castle's shirts on the chair. Slowly she lifts up the blanket and lies down next to him. She turns on the right so she could put her arm around his side. They stay like this for a while and Kate is sure that he must be asleep now but then, suddenly he turns around. She could see some tears rolling down his cheeks. With her thumb she brushes them away gently and then she gives him a short and soft kiss on his lips, just to let him feel that she was still here.

"Thank you." He says, and now he was even smiling a little bit. "There's no need Castle, I didn't do anything for you." She almost whispers. " You stayed and you're still here. That helps a lot. " "But that goes without saying, Castle. You wanna tell me now who he was?" He hesitates and again there's that heartbroken look in his eyes. "Not if you don't want to…" Kate quickly says, she doesn't want to make him feel even worse.

"No, no, of course I will tell you. You deserve to know about him and I should have told you so much earlier. He always asked me when he could meet you, he was so looking forward to seeing you Kate, and now he you two will never meet. That's horrible. His name was Max, he was the owner of the little book shop but before he was the owner of a Broadway theatre Mother worked at when she was still very young and I was only some years old…" And then he told her the story how he had met Max and it actually made him happy to talk about him, because that man did so many great things for him which really has to be honored. "To me, he always was the nicest person in the whole world; he never asked to get anything back. Sometimes he went to Queens and threw children's books in random postboxes. For free. He looked after me for almost 10 years without ever asking for money or anything. I mean he was not my father, I was just one of his old friends' son, nobody special."

"He really was like a father to you, wasn't he? I read that dedication and I'm so sorry, Castle. I have never met him before but what I hear sounds so caring, so loving, I'm sure you meant to him as much as he meant to you, so you were special for him. I would have loved meeting him…"

"Actually I wanted to ask you to meet him in the next days, damn Kate, what if we had been there, at the book shop when the killer came in? Maybe we could have prevented it? I haven't seen him for one month now, Kate, last time he complained because I never had the time to come to his shop even though it's not even that far away from here, he even asked me to bring you with me, but no. Me being my selfish and egotistical self said that I can't come because I rather want to spend time with you and Alexis, you know. Damn what if I had said yes?! Maybe he would still be alive..." Again tears are streaming down his cheeks.

"Don't say that Rick, thinking about the 'what ifs' can destroy you. There are always 'What ifs', what if I had persuaded Mom to come with me that evening, what if the police had immediately found the killer and the whole story behind it, what if I had never become a cop, what if we had never met, what if I had told you that I wanna come with you in the Hamptons the second year, what if we had talked about that kiss, what if I had went back in the living room only two seconds earlier in LA, what if I had told you that I had heard you, what if, what if, what if, you see were this is ending? It's never good to worry about this, because it's something you can't change anymore now. Of course it's horrible and hard to face but he is dead, and it's not your fault. The only person who is responsible for Max's death is his killer. And the first step to honor Max and all he's done is to find this killer, and I promise you I will find him and never let him see the light of day again in his life. I promise." She's looking in his eyes, now there are even some tears rolling down her cheeks, this whole situation is just way too much, again.

"I love you so much, Kate" He was still feeling guilty and shocked but her words help him a lot, now he can see that there is a way to deal with Max death, he's may not on that way yet but at least he could see that way now.

"I love you, too Rick." She smiles, and realizes that this is the first time she's ever said that to him. Before, she never felt like it was a good situation to say it, she wanted it to be special, and even though this might not be the best timing for an 'I love you', she feels that it was right, because it's true. She really loves him, more than she could have every imagined, more than any other man before. She comes closer to his face; she can feel his hot breath on her forehead. She is so thankful and happy that she could make him feel better somehow, but of course that was just for the moment.

Tomorrow, it will be another day. Max will still be dead, and she knows the moment Castle wakes up he will think of him, and he will think about the 'what if's again, because even though he knows he can't change it anymore he wants to find the reason why he's dead. And for now to him the only reason why Max is dead is that he wasn't there. She will tell him the same as today but she knows that this will continue until they find the killer. She needs to find the killer. For Max. And for Castle. Lying in Castle's arms here in his bed could be so perfect, everything could be so, so perfect, they could be happy, but there is always something new. Why don't they deserve to be happy? And with that last thought she finally falls asleep.

Suddenly a phone rings. Kate looks on her alarm. 3.47am. Who the hell is calling at this time? She checks her phone and there's nothing, so it must be Castle's. The ring tone doesn't stop but she doesn't want to wake Castle so she decides to receive the call. It only takes her some seconds to find his phone under a bunch of clothes on the floor.

"Beckett?" "Where is Dad?" She can hear a young woman's voice. Alexis. "Hello Alexis. Yes, but he's sleeping. May I can help you? Should I come and pick you up?" "No, I need to talk to him. Now!" Alexis almost screams, it's like she is in fear, something is wrong. "Ok, I wake him up." Kate turns over to Castle, shakes his shoulder until he opens his eyes. "Wake up, Alexis is on the phone, she wants to talk to you, something's wrong there, Castle" He can see that Kate's in panic and without hesitation he reaches for the phone. "What's wrong, Alexis?" "Hello Mr. Castle." A deep voice says at the end of the line. "Who is this?" Castle screams in the phone. "And where's my daughter?" "Who I am, oh, you will know that soon enough. But not now. I want to play a little game, Mr. Castle. And I make the rules."

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I don't really like how this turned out, but I wanted to upload something before I go on vacation. Maybe I can upload another chapter today, but if not, the next one is up on thursday for sure. Hope you don't mind and that you continue reading my story !:)

Special thanks again to my not-really-objective beta reader Paola, as always, thank you so much for your help !:)


	4. Chapter 4

I'm really sorry for the late update, but I was on vacation in Italy for some days** without** **I****nternet** (=death). But now I'm at home again and the story can continue. So here's the new chapter, I hope you like it :)

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.

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Chapter 4

"What do you want? Money? Tell me a sum, I don't care how much, I give it to you." Castle said, his voice in panic, his hands running nervously through his hair.

"I don't want your money, Mr. Castle. You rich egotistical people think you can get everything you want with your damn money. Maybe that has worked for you so far, but now not anymore, now I own the power." Castle could hear his bitter laugh, the man's voice was almost ecstatic now.

"But..but then what do you want?" Castle asked stuttering.

"I want to see you suffer, Mr. Castle. Suffer the way I did. I was supposed to have the life you live now, I would have deserved it so much more than you. And now I want revenge! Revenge for all the success you had, revenge for all the pain I experienced. "

The man was furious, Castle doesn't know who he is, but what he knows is that this man is a psychopath and he is dangerous as hell. Kate can't hear the person on the phone, she only can see Castle's reactions- and they scare her. His eyes are widened in fear, he's shaking and he obviously doesn't know what to do. He's not even replying to the man anymore, he's just standing there, staring at the wall. Kate doesn't know what else to do so she just grabs the phone and puts it on speaker. "If you let Alexis come home, nothing will happen, you hear me? Nothing. We will just forget about this, no one will come after you." Kate begs even though she has no clue what the man told Castle earlier, she just wants this to stop.

"Oh hello Kate, you can't stay out of anything, can you? But I have to disappoint you, I don't care if you get me. Actually that is almost impossible, but I still wouldn't care. I have nothing to lose, I never had, so come and get me, put me behind bars or kill me, whatever, I don't care. But I won't give you that little girl back now, the game just started. She and Max were only the first two dominos in this and I promise, it's getting better and better!"

Max- that man, he killed Max. His Max. What…what if he does the same with Alexis. Castle can't say a word, he feels like everything he had is just falling apart. He can feel that this man is able to destroy him completely.

"What are you intending to do?" Until that moment Kate was able to sound like the serious Detective Beckett but now she is scared to death, her voice is full of fear and she feels nothing but helplessness.

" Well, there are some things, people, that seem to mean a lot to you, Mr. Castle. People who helped you to get the success you have, people you trust with your heart, people you love more than yourself-if that is even possible. And I just want to see what you are without them. You will realize that you're nothing! You used all these people! You are not able to do anything on your own! You are not responsible for your perfect life! You don't deserve that life you have! I do but you don't!

So, here are the rules. Normally I would say no police, but that's not possible since I'm talking to a Detective, I just don't want to end this too soon. I will end this when I have the feeling that it's enough, that you have suffered enough.

So the first rule: Don't make this public, no media. This is something between the two of us, Ricky, not the whole world.

Second: don't beg for anything. Don't beg me to give you Alexis back, don't beg me to stop. It wouldn't help anything because I have planned this very well and you can't change my plans.

Third and last rule: Always follow my instructions. Sometimes I will call you, maybe I will send you letters, give you signs et cetera, always read them and do what I demand from you. After a while I will give you hints where I am, who I am. Sooner or later you will find me, that's part of my plan, just follow the instructions.

So this should be pretty easy, right? If you didn't get it, I'm sorry but you don't have a choice. The game has already started and now you can't stop it anymore. You will hear soon from me, Mr Castle. Until then, good luck. "

Castle doesn't know what to say, too many questions are going through his head. But before he can start to ask the man hangs up.

Castle doesn't want to realize what has just happened. This can't be real. This must be a dream, a bad dream, he will wake up soon, and everything will be ok, right? But nothing happens, he doesn't wake up. "This is just a bad joke, right?" Castle asks still in shock. "I don't know, Cas…" He sees right in Kate's wet and helpless eyes and then he knows it. This is real, that man was serious and he will bring the people he loves in danger, maybe even kill them. Including his Kate.

But not only Kate. He already has Alexis. Alexis! What if he hurts her, what if he touches her. What if… he doesn't want to think of what else that man may do to his daughter. " We need to get Alexis out of there, no matter how." His voice is resolute but actually he is desperate. He just doesn't how to save his little girl, he is her father, he is supposed to protect his daughter. But that man seems to be crazy, he seems to be able to control everything. And he already does. "What can we do, Kate?"

"I…I…I don't know. I'm a Detective, I should know what to do but I don't. I mean, I mean, there must be a way to end this, we can stop him, right?" Tears are streaming down her face, Castle puts his arms around her, he wants to protect her. He wants to protect Alexis. He wants to protect his live that seemed to be so perfect only hours before.

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Reviews are as always very appreciated ;)

Next chapter will follow soon ! Probably tomorrow :)

Love

PS: Thanks to Paola for the great help. I don't know what I would do without you.


	5. Chapter 5

I hope you enjoy!

I know this is all very psycho, but don't worry, I don't have any psychological problems (ok maybe some kind of OCD if you know what I mean...)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

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Chapter 5

Its 4 am, but none of them is able to sleep now. Side by side they sit next to each other on the bed without saying a word. But then Castle breaks the silence. "It's all my fault, Kate. I should have been with her, I totally neglected her recently. We didn't even talk much the last time we saw us…" "It's NOT your fault Castle. You are the best father Alexis could ever imagine, she loves you and admires you so much. And it's normal that parents leave their children more on their own when they get older, she's 18 now, she has to get more autonomous. But you have to keep in mind that this is not only about Alexis, she was just the first one he chose, what about Martha, the boys, Meredith and most- wait, Meredith! We have to inform her, she has to know." Kate suddenly realizes, they completely forgot about her.

"We can call her tomorrow, we have to get him as fast as we can, and anyways, it's late and she won't be very intere-"

"She is her mother! You really think she won't care?! Castle! I know you two are not best friends but she deserves to know! She has to know!" Kate's getting louder with each word, he can be so stubborn sometimes, of course he's right in the point that they have to get that man but Meredith is her mother.

"Hm, ok, you're right, I'm sorry…but Alexis.." She can see how desperate he still is and each time she looks in his scared eyes it breaks her heart again. "I know, Cas, I know. Now, here, call her." She nods slightly and hands him the phone.

But the moment he unlocks his screen, Castle sees that he had received thousands of messages, nobody can know about this, right?

He clicks on one of the texts, it's from Gina.

_Hey_

_I don't know if she thinks this is funny or anything and yes, I know you two are divorced but people still connect Meredith with you, and this is not good for her image and so not for yours._

_Here__'s the link if you don't know what I'm talking about. _

_DELETE THIS SHIT RICHARD!_

_Gina_

"What…" He clicks on the link. "Oh my God, no no no no no." Castle panics, Kate curious about the message looks on the screen and freezes. No.

There are pictures of Meredith, hands and feet cuffed at a wall behind her. She only wears underwear and her mouth is taped. She looks like she's crying, bruises and dirt all over her body.

"Oh my God, he…he got her…Castle I call the boys, Lanie and Gates. We can't do this alone."

"Ok" Castle said totally absently letting the phone drop out of his hand on the bed.

It takes not half an hour until everybody is at Castle's loft. Even Gates came. They sit together at the table in the living room. Kate doesn't care about Gates seeing her in one of Castle's shirts here in his apartment. If she really hadn't known it so far, she does now, who the hell would care about this now?

Castle tells them what happened and they all listen in shock.

"Why would anyone do this to you Mr. Castle?" Gates asks having no understanding for what that man is planning to do. She has never liked Castle that much, but nobody deserves this. And actually she has to admit he is part of the team, of the family. He makes their job so much easier with his jokes even though she never shows him that they are actually pretty funny. Most important he helped her best Detective to begin living her life again, they try to hide their relationship in the Precinct, but honestly, love can't be more obvious.

"I have no idea, he didn't say much about himself,… he said that he's supposed to live the life I have, that he was and still is going through lots of pain…that's all I can remember."

"Supposed to live the life you have? Castle, you don't have any siblings do you?" Kate asks him and puts one hand on his knee.

"No, I'm an only child, mother was young when she got me and after my birth she really had enough with me." A little smile flashed over his face but it was immediately gone and he was serious again. "He was talking about my success, maybe he's another author, maybe Gina-"

But before he can answer there's a knock on the door.

"Sh!" Kate hisses, she and the boys grab for their guns, sneaking to the door. Ryan on the left side of the door, Espo on the right. Kate standing in front of it, her left hand on the door knob, with her right she's holding up her gun. Espo points with his gun at the place where the person behind the door probably stands. The boys nod looking at Kate, she gives the ok by nodding back and opens the door.

But the person there is so not what they expected, instead of a mentally disturbed man there stands a little girl. Her skin is pale, her eyes are blue, her hair a mix between red and orange.

Holy shit! She could be Alexis 10 years ago. This man really is psycho.

"Who are you? And who sent you here?" Kate asks with her harsh Detective voice.

"I..I..I'm Elisa…A man sent me, he came to my adoptive parents' house and told me if I don't bring this to your house I have to leave my family and they will send me to another one, I…I really don't know what this is about." The little girl was totally scared. Scared to lose her family but also scared by these peoples' faces, scared by what she got into here.

Castle stares at her, of course he has noticed the similarity to Alexis too. He comes over and demands the girl to give him the letter and come in. She sits on the couch next to Lanie who curls a blanket around the little shivering girl.

Castle opens the letter, there are two sheets of paper - one with hand writing, another one which looks like a document- and a folder in it, "What does it say?" Ryan asks.

"_Hello Mr. Castle,_

_I came to the decision to change my plan. I will do the whole thing much faster, as you may already noticed. Maybe I even change my plan for how things will end for you…and for your friends. _

The document is a birth certificate of an Alexander Cooper, born April 1 1969. Parents: Gabrielle and Jake Cooper.

This must be coincidence…"

"What?" Gates asks still confused about what that document has to do with this case.

"That's my birthday and my first name is actually Alexander, but that doesn't mean anything, let's see what's in this folder…"

He opens it. "No, this must be a joke, no, this can't be true" Kate gives him a questioning look and he hands her the folder.

"These are documents of an adoption…the adoption of Alexander Cooper to Martha Rodgers in October 1970. My God Castle, do you know what this means?"

"Yes, that I was adopted and Mother lied to me over all these years, excuse me for a second." His face is completely white, the shock is in his eyes. He almost runs out of the room into his bedroom.

"Go and take care of your Writer Boy, Kate. We need him. " Lanie says to Kate, but she hesitates for a second and looks at Gates feeling her cheeks blush a little bit.

"Do what she said, Detective, this is an order." Gates says seriously, Kate gives her a little smile and follows Castle in the bedroom.

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I have to say I'm not sure when I can upload the next chapter, tomorrow's the last day of holidays for me :( so we will see...

Please write a review, it would really mean a lot to me :)

Thanks for reading !:)


	6. Chapter 6

Earlier than I thought, here come's the next chapter.

Disclaimer: It's not mine.

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Chapter 6

She closes the door behind her and walks over to the window where Castle is standing. He's staring at a picture in his hands. It shows him with Alexis and Martha at Disney World. He doesn't cry, he's just staring at it.

"Hey" with her hand she puts up his face so that she can see in his eyes. "Maybe this isn't even true. That man is psycho, and we have already seen what he's capable of. Probably he just wants to play mind games with you. You should call Martha before jumping to conclusions, and she has to know about Alexis too." She slowly strokes with her hand over his cheek. "What do you think?"

"I don't know what to think, I mean you have to admit it would make sense, you asked me if I have any siblings because that would have explained what he said. Look at the other documents here. They say he's my sibling, he came into another family. I really don't know why I shouldn't believe this, it all makes sense, Kate…but you're right, I should call her, it's almost 8am, means 2pm in Paris, she should be on call." He puts the documents away and types in her phone number.

"_Oh, hello Richard, how are you my darling?" _

She has no idea.

"Mother, something happened, something bad…"

"_What's wrong? You really sound serious? Did you and Kate have a fight?"_

"No…worse. Alexis …she…"

"_Alexis? Richard, tell me!"_

"She was abducted, Mother."

"_Abducted? What? Have you any idea where she is?"_

"No, we have no idea…but-"

"_I will come immediately. I can take the next flight to New York."_

"That would be good, I think. But mother, before it's too late, you have to answer me some questions…"

"_Questions? What's going on here?"_

"The man who abducted her, he wants to play a game, I can't tell you any details, that would take too long, but we have to find out who he is…and he gave us some hints, he sent us documents. Mother…am I adopted?"

"_Richard, I can explain this, but I would rather do this eye to eye…"_

"No, mother, we don't have much time, he said he wants to make this whole thing much faster than planned."

"_Kiddo, this…I really can't."_

"Mother!" He screams in the phone.

"_Ok, ok, please don't scream, this will be hard enough for me to tell you…so. Yes, you are adopted. Your parents died in a car accident when you were only 2 years old. I have always been in love with your father, but he was married. And he had two children, you and your brother, Michael. We had an affair long before you two were born, he wanted to break up with Gaby, your biological mother, but then she told him that she was pregnant with your brother, and your father couldn't leave a pregnant woman. So we continued the affair, Gaby didn't know anything. Actually we were really friends, I always had such a bad conscience, betraying my friend. It was horrible for me, I tried to end the affair several times, but it never worked. I just loved too much. And when they died, their lawyer came to me, he said that Gaby and Jake, your father, they wrote in their will, if anything happens they want the children to live with me. In the first moment I was so happy, I was honored that they chose me, but then I had to realize that I was way too young for this, I couldn't take care of two little children, as I said you were only two, your brother, Michael, he was 5. I had to decide between the two of you. That was the hardest decision I had ever made. But I chose you, we always had a better relation than I had to Michael, maybe because he looked so similar to Gabrielle. And every time I saw him, I had to think of me and Jake betraying her. And a whole life with that thought in my head, I really wasn't able to handle that. So Michael was sent to another family, in Connecticut I think, I never saw him again…you think he is the mad you're searching for right?"_

"_Mother, why did you never tell me?"'_

"_Because I knew you would hate me for separating you from your brother, you adored him Richard. I didn't want to lose you, too."_

"_But…you can't deny me my real parents, mother!" _

"_Richard, I'm so sorry, you have no idea, I wanted to tell you several times, but I just couldn't."_

Castle was silent. He knew that they don't have the time for a fight now, Alexis doesn't have the time.

"_Thanks for now, Mother, I think I know enough now. Please don't call me again."_

And with that he hangs up. Kate who has heard the whole talk hugs him tight. "I'm so sorry, Castle, I'm so sorry"

Castle doesn't hug her back, he's still silent and not moving.

Kate slowly breaks away from him. "At least we know now who he is."

But Castle is not listening to her. He's trying to settle his thoughts. He will have enough time to deal with the whole new situation when Alexis is back. She is more important now. He takes a deep breath once again and says determined. "Ok, let's do this." He doesn't even give Kate one single look, he's just walking straight out of the bedroom into the living room where the others are still waiting. Kate follows him right away.

"Ok, guys, we know now who he is. He is my sibling, his name is Michael if his adoptive parents didn't change his name. He is three years older than me, he must be 50 years old now. He told me he gives us hints where and who he is. We have the 'who', now the 'where'. If these documents are also hints for that question, the only place I can imagine is the orphanage where we both were in the first few days after our parents' accident. Espo, please check if it's still open. Here is the name of it. He hands him one of the documents.

"Ok." Esposito answers shortly, going in the kitchen to make the call.

"Castle, is everything ok?" Kate asks him gently wondering how he can be so strong after all the recent events.

"Yes" he just answers and Kate knows he's not. She was the same when it was about her mother's case. She was working on it day and night, totally forgetting about everything else, the only thing that mattered was the case. She was out of control and now he is.

After not even 5 minutes Espo comes back.

"The orphanage closed 1994. The building where it was once has been empty since then."

"You have an address?" Kate asks and he just holds up a paper where he noted it.

"Castle, Espo and I, we will drive there, Ryan you stay here with Lanie and Gates in case he sends us more information. " Kate takes the lead and heads out of the door. He must be there. Alexis must be there.

After a 45 minute drive in silence they finally reach the old building. It really looks like it has stood for almost 20 years, plants have grown wild in the garden and also on the walls. Windows are broken, some don't even exist anymore. The whole building was full with graffiti. It was the perfect place to hide something…or someone, nobody would notice.

"Let's go in, Castle, here-" She hands him a gun. "But stay behind me!"

The boys just nod and they walk through the doorway of the building. They come in and stand in a hallway with three doors. Ryan goes through the door on the left, Espo on the right. She and Castle go through the door in the middle right in front of them. Behind it, there is again a hallway, but now there are not only doors, there are also stairs. One is leading up, the other one down. As a writer Castle knows the kidnapper always hides his victim in the basement, so he points to the stairs leading downwards. Kate nods and they walk down, guns always ready to shoot.

They come to a little anteroom with only one door. Behind the door there is light.

Kate and Castle change a look knowing what has to be behind it.

Kate walks closer to the door, one ear turned to it. No voices. But she can hear something, a quite cry of a girl. Alexis. She reaches for the door knob and turns it around. Opening the door Kate is ready to shoot. But behind the door there is no one but Alexis. She is bound on a chair, her mouth is taped, tears are all over her face but she seems to be ok. The room is not big so they can be sure that they are alone.

"Alexis! " Castle screams out of happiness. He runs towards here and strokes her over the face. Immediately he starts to free her from the fetters, then she removes the tape.

"Where is he?"

"He…he..he just left, about five minutes ago." Castle freezes.

"That means he's probably still in the building, we have to get out of here before he comes back. He probably saw us coming and hid somewhere here." She reaches for Alexis hand but the girl is way too weak to make a single move. Castle doesn't even hesitate and lifts the girl over his shoulder. They start to run, out of the room, up the stairs. But then suddenly there are loud noises. Shoots. Right behind the door they are standing in front of now.

"Castle, stay where you are!" Kate orders him and opens the door.

First thing she sees is Ryan lying on the floor, a big leak of blood under him, but the rest of the room is empty, then again, shoots behind another door.

She runs in the room, and sees Espo falling down on the floor, the man shot him in the knee. Espo's gun is on the floor next to him but too far away to reach it. The man turns over and sees Kate who reacts fast and jumps left when the man aims at her. But before he can shoot Kate lands a bullet right in his stomach. The man falls to the ground but he fires a last shoot. The bullet flies right through the door, then another shoot from the hallway. And they both strike.

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This was may all a bit fast, but I don't want to write only about that kidnapping stuff and I don't want to write a 30-chapters-story, so i hope you can understand :)

Leave a review, they are always appreciated.

PS: Big thanks to Paola, this would be pretty embarrassing without you. Love!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I'm sorry for the late update, but I was sick first and then busy with school. And I'm really really sorry.

I actually didn't have time to write this today neither so I wrote it at 3am in the night, yolo (don't expect too much haha)

Hope you enjoy reading!

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The last thing Kate can see is Castle running past the door, Alexis on his shoulders. He turns towards them and aims to Michael. She wants to make him stop because Michael has already fired a bullet towards the two, she wants them to run. So she jumps in his firing line and screams that he should run. But what did she think? How fast is a bullet? Too fast to escape from it. She should know that just too well.

It was too late and everything went black.

"Alexis! Alexis! Please, stay with me! Alexis, my little girl, I love you so much, Alexis! Please! Don't leave me!"

Everywhere is blood, Michael shot her right in the chest. She was looking at him in shook, blood coming out of the wound.

"Daddy, th…thank you….I thi…think its o…over now. We…we…won. I lo..love you. Sa..say gra…nny I lo..ve..-" And then her eyes shut.

"Don't go, Alexis! You hear me! Don't"

But he knows its too late.

"I love you my darling, I'm so so proud of you." He storkes over her face and puts her hair behind her ear. She's still so beautiful.

And suddenly everything goes so fast. Paramedics running into the house, detectives are everywhere.

Castle turns around, he watches the paramedics taking care of Espo and Ryan, taking Micheal to the hospital and- Oh god, no! He can see them standing around Kate lying on the floor. He runs over. No this can't be. She's lying there, lots of blood around her, is it just hers? The doctors are trying to talk to her "Detective, can you hear us?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm ok, take care of A-" But then her eyes start to blink uncontrollable.

"We are losing her! Defibrillator!"

They try it several times until the man says "We've got her again, now take her to surgery, it doesn't look good."

They put her on a litter while Castle tries to talk to her.

"Kate, Alexis, she she didn't make it, I can't lose you too! You hear me? Don't leave me!" He is running with the paramedics but a man is grabbing him from the back when they put her in the ambulance.

"Are you Mr. Castle?" He's asking him.

"Yes, why?" Castle answers, still totally under adrenaline and in shock.

"Come with me, I take you to Dr. Cooper."

He nods and follows him to another ambulance and walks into the back of it.

"Mr. Castle? I'm Dr. Cooper. Come sit here." He is about 65 years old, totally looks like a psychatrist. His eyes have that You-can-tell-me-everything-I-will-listen-look every psychiatrist has. But he looks nice though so Castle walks over to him and sits on the bench.

"The girl was your daughter?"

He just nods… "was"

"Mr. Castle, I have to tell you-"

"She's dead, I know." Castle says out of any emotions.

"You know?" The doctor wonders.

"She's my daughter, a father knows such kind of things."

"Yeah, you're right, you wanna talk about it? Or do you want me to leave you alone?"

"There's nothing to talk about." Castle says still in a tone that would scare other people. It sounds like he doesn't care, like he is ok with it. But as a psychiatrist he knows what this is. He's still in shock of course but his answers were short. He's trying to forget what just happened.

Dr. Cooper is almost out of the ambulance when Castle suddenly asks "Where's Kate?"

Cooper turns around "Kate? I don't know, who is she?"

"My girlfriend…she was shot, too" I shot her.

"I can ask them if you want"

He nods. His daughter is dead and he shot his girlfriend. His life can't get any worse now. He just wants this to end. There's no sense anymore. Alexis was wrong, they didn't win, Michael won. He ruined his life.

_Alexis, I will see you soon, my darling, I will see you soon, I just need to know if Kate is alright. I just need to know if she can do this alone. I will come as fast as I can, I promise. _

They told him she was in hospital, that she needed surgery but she will survive. They called Lanie to pick him up and drive to visit Kate.

As they walk into the third floor where Kate should be after her surgery a doctor passes them.

"Is Kate alright?" Lanie asks him in panic.

"Yes, yes, she will be alright. The surgery went easier than we thought, it was just a through-through shot. She lost lots of blood but that was the only thing we were worrying about and we could fix it in just one hour. She will be out in any minute."

"Thanks god! She hugs Castle but he's not saying or doing anything, just standing there.

"I'm so sorry, Castle, I…I forgot…I just…can't believe Alexis is…gone now. I'm really sorry." He doesn't answer, just gives her a slight nod.

"But Kate will be alright, you two, you can do this together, she will help you, we all will, Castle, we are a family." He doesn't react, no smile, no thanks, nothing. But she's not expecting anything, she just wants him to know.

Suddenly doors open and two nurses are moving a hospital bed towards them. It's Kate, she's sleeping but she seems to be ok. The two nurses have noticed them when Lanie jumped off her sit.

"Be quiet, she needs to sleep now." They open another door leading into a room with another empty hospital bed and move Kate's next to it.

"She will wake up in some hours, call us when she does. She needs some medicine." The nurse talks to them as they follow them into the room.

"Sure." Lanie answers, a smile of relief on her face.

As the nurses leave, Lanie asks him. "Can you stay here with her? I have to drive to her loft and get her some clothes and stuff."

He nods. "I call you when she wakes up."

"Thanks" Lanie gives him a sad smile, he can see sympathy in her eyes. If she knew what he did.

After Lanie is gone he puts a chair next to Kate's bed and takes her hand. "Hey, darling. I know you will tell me it wasn't my fault that the bullet hit you, but Kate, I was the one shooting, it was my fault. And I will never forgive myself for that. Alexis is dead, Kate, she's dead. Michael stroked her because I thought it was better to shoot back instead of running away. It was all my fault. All. He ruined my life, he took my daughter, he made me shoot the love of my life. It has no sense to live anymore, Kate. I know you can do this alone, you've solved your mother's case now, you have your friends. You don't need me. And I can't stay here. That's what he wanted and I will give it to him. I'm done, Kate, I don't know what else to do, I hope you can understand. I promise I will stay here and wait until you're awake. I will tell you how much I love you and I will say goodbye, forever."

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Please tell me if you liked this or not!

Reviews are as always very appreciated ;)

Thanks, Paola. What would I do with our you?


	8. Chapter 8

I know, late update again, I don't even wanna make any bad excuses, actually I was just too lazy to write.

There has been no beta-reading yet but tomorrow I will probably correct some mistakes I made, I just wanted to give you at least something for now ;)

Hope you enjoy reading!

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Chapter 8

As Kate's slowly waking up, Castle grabs her hand even tighter. She doesn't open her eyes yet but she turns her head in his direction and smiles, grabbing his hand back.

"Hey" Her voice still sounds weak but he could hear that she's happy that he's here while she's waking up.

"Hey, Darling, you feeling ok?" He asks her gently, a smile on his face.

"Yes, since you're here." But then the look on her face suddenly changes as she sees his eyes, full of sadness and fear- and everything that happened, everything that she was able to forget for some time comes back to her mind all at once.

"And you?" With her thumb she draws little circles on the back of his hand, she's not even sure if she really wants to hear an answer because she is scared that she won't be able to tell him anything that could help or reassure him.

"I'm trying not to think of it, but I know the moment will come where I have to start confronting myself with it." He tries to sound convincing, tries to hide any facial expression that would not make her skeptical.

"I heard you, Castle." And there it goes.

"You heard what?" There still was a last hope, right?

"You know what, Rick. And I tell you, it's not the right decision, you shouldn't make any decisions in the state you are right now. "

"Kate, I just…I know that I will never be able to live with my daughter being dead, don't you understand that?" And for the first time after the shooting Castle lets the tears stream down his face, it's like a dam inside of him just broke down and everything that has built up behind is now coming out. He puts his head in his head, hiding his tears from Kate.

"I do understand, Castle." She slowly draws little circles on his back. And even though she tries to hold her tears back for him some single ones make their way down her face as she's seeing him that broken.

"Come here" He looks up to her as she's moving a bit left, her knee still hurts a lot but painkillers make it better and she's able to make some space for Castle on the bed.

He gives her a confused look but when she gives him a slight nod he stands up and lies down right next to her on the hospital bed.

She places her head on his shoulder and enjoys finally feeling the warmth of his body again.

"I know it's selfish, but please don't leave me, Rick."

He doesn't answer, still thinking about whether he could live with this nightmare he will never awake from. Not only that his daughter died, he also shot Kate. He shot the love of his life.

"I shot you, Kate. I pulled that trigger and my daughter died because of me. What kind of person am I? I don't deserve to live, and even less I deserve you."

"Yes, you pulled that trigger, but it was because you wanted to save your daughter, Rick. It has never been your intention to hurt me. Actually, it was my fault. I seriously don't know what I was thinking. I just saw that he's gonna shoot at you two and I wanted to prevent that from happening. I mean, not only you, but also Alexis has become such a huge part of my life. You are my family and I think I just wanted to protect my family. So I jumped in his line not considering how fast a bullet is. That was so stupid. But you definitely have no fault for this, ok?"

"I knew you're gonna tell me that." She can hear a little smile in his voice, but she's still serious.

"Rick, please. Don't joke about this. I can't live without you anymore, I don't know if I would still be here without you. Promise you don't leave me. Us, just think of Martha, everyone at precinct and all the other people who care about you." She faces him but he won't look at her.

"Kate, I really don't know if I can ever forgive myself for what I did."

"For what you did? Castle! You tried to save your daughter, you tried to save all the people in your life. You just came to know that you're adopted and still you did everything that was possible to find that monster. I'm not sure if anyone else would have been able to do that in your situation."

Now he finally looks at her again, his eyes are red from crying and all the fun, all the happiness his eyes usually radiate is completely gone.

" The nurse said I should call her as soon as you wake up." He presses the button next to her bed.

"Castle." Beckett tries to show him what he's doing, he can't pretend that everything's ok. Avoiding every conversation about what happened is the worst thing he can do now.

"We talk later, I want to be sure that everything's ok with you."

"To make sure everything's ok so that you can leave me?" Now she's getting angry, how can he even think that it would be no problem for her to live without him after everything they got through together? He really wants to give this up for…yeah for what? What does he even expect to happen then? He really thinks he meets her again in some kind of heaven? Or does he just want to run away? From all the problems, the obstacles…and her? She thought that he really loves her, but obviously this relationship means more to her than to him; before she can protest the nurse comes in.

She just asks her how she's feeling and gives her some medication. When Kate asks her when she can go home the nurse hesitates for a moment, looks at Castle, then back to her.

"I'm not sure if it would be a good idea if you two go home the next few days, in your emotional state you may not be ready to be completely on your own, we have some people, good doctors who could help you…" She gets more quiet with each word as she sees they looks on their faces. It was clear that these two don't want to spend any more time in this building.

"I'm sorry but I think it would be the best for both of us to go home and take some rest. I can come in here again whenever you want me to, but please let me go home as soon as possible. I don't have much pain anymore and the only thing I need is the medication and I can take that at home too, right?"

"Well, Miss Beckett, two more days are necessary but the doctor will come in later to give you more information, I don't wanna say anything wrong but I think it should be possible that you can leave after these two days." She gives her a smile, checks some of the results and leaves.

"That's good news, isn't it"? Castle asks her cautiously.

"Yeah, great." She answers with dry sarcasm. She's mad at him, mad at the nurse, mad at Michael and mad at herself. Don't they finally deserve to be happy? Haven't they already proven enough that they love each other?

* * *

I hope you liked the chapter even though it's pretty short!

Probably I'm gonna skip most of the hospitalization...

Reviews would be great since it's easier and more fun to write when you get some feedback :)

See you soon! xoxo


	9. Chapter 9

New update, new chapter.

Hope you like it!

Maybe it's a bit much drama for some of you, but I don't want to bore you, do I? :D

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Chapter 9

She was still mad at him and usually she would avoid speaking about their situation, but now it was different, it's like they have changed their roles. Now Castle is the one who tries to distract from the problem and she's the one who realizes that it's necessary to talk about it even though it may be uncomfortable. But she can't just let him go, she already lost her mom, then Alexis…and now him? No she can't let that happen.

They are still lying on the bed next to each other, not saying a word for hours. It must be really late, or very early. They haven't slept in the past two days, there had been no time for sleeping.

"Castle…" She starts. "Why do you want to leave me?" She asks, staring at the ceiling. Rick does the same.

"I already told you, I don't wanna leave YOU. I just want my little girl back, Kate." His voice started to crack again.

"But what do you expect to happen when you're…dead. You really think you can have her back again then?"

"I don't know…yes…no…I really don't know but there's still the possibility. And I can't let anything undone to get her back. So if there's only a little hope, I have to try it at least."

"But is it really worth it? I mean just think of what you would leave behind. Your mom, your friends…me. We have already lost Alexis, we can't handle losing you too. I couldn't handle it. "

He doesn't answer, was he finally thinking about it?

"Castle, I really thought what we have means as much to you as it does to me. I know she is your daughter, but I'm sure she doesn't want you to give up on your life, Castle. She would want you to live and to honor her in your own way. Look, when my Mum died I was thinking about the same as you do now, but I started to realize that there was someone I had to be there for, and that was Dad. If I had made the decision to leave, I'm not sure if my Dad would still be here. I learnt that by bringing justice to the victims and their families I can honor my Mom and what she was fighting for. Maybe you can find a way to do that, too?"

She turns her face towards him, but…but he seems to be mad. Did she say something wrong?

"Kate, it's not always about you and your Mom, ok? I spent years to help you through this and I know how hard it was for you but now, I have enough ok? Your Mom is dead, I know that, your Dad was an alcoholic, I know that too. And you were an emotional wreck, once. That is over Kate. You are ok now, but you can't compare that to my situation. I just lost my daughter! The daughter I neglected because of you, the dau-"

"Cas-" She wants to stop him, what is he doing? "No, Kate. It's not all about you anymore. Now it's about me, me and my daughter. I hardly spent time with her anymore, I don't even remember the last time I told her I love her, Kate! I can't remember! I remember the last time I told you, but not my daughter! I can't be there for you all the time, I need to be with my daughter now. All these years there was just so much drama because of you, Alexis, she was mad at you, for doing that to me, she said you don't deserve me when you didn't call after you got shot. Maybe I should have listened to her, maybe she wouldn't be dead now…"

"Castle! Out! Go home!" No, she can't cry now, not with him here. That is not fair. It really isn't. She can feel the tears in her eyes, still trying to hold them back. No. Wait until he's gone. But Castle is now standing next to her bed, staring at her, not moving. It scares her, who is this man standing in front of her?

"GO HOME!" She screams again, but now her voice has broken, tears are streaming down her face. Why is he doing this to her? It wasn't her fault that Alexis died, right?

Finally he makes his way out of the room, with slow and weak steps he walks over to the door. "Bye, Kate." She gives her a last look, completely without any emotions, not even anger and closes the door behind him.

No.

"Rick! No, please! No, don't do that, please!" Someone has to stop him, he will kill himself. "Help! I need help!" She was screaming but her words were drowning in her sobs. He can't die. No, he can't.

She reaches for her phone on the nightstand and types inLanie's number. It only takes seconds until she answers.

"Kate? They found Meredith in the house! She has some scratches and bruises but nothing too bad."

"Lanie…I" She sobs into the phone, not able to say a word.

"What's wrong? Is Castle not with you?"

Kate takes a deep breath and collects all her strength together. "No, I need your help Lanie. Castle…he will try to kill himself, you have to prevent him from doing that! I- I would do it but they won't let me out of here, please Lanie!"

"Where can I find him?" She can hear the panic in Lanie'svoice.

"I-I don't know, but he has GPS in his phone, you have to find him Lanie! Please, when you know where he is text me! I will come as soon as I can!"

"Kate, I find your writer-boy and you stay where you are, ok?"

"It was just a shot in my knee, it's nothing Lanie, I have to find him, we had a fight, it can't end like this." She's breaking down, her pillow is wet from crying, she gasps for air, having the feeling to drown in her own tears.

"Stay where you are, I have to go now, we will find him before he can do anything stupid, I promise." She whispers in the phone and hangs up.

You can't promise.

She has to get out of here. She presses the button next to her bed and only seconds later a nurse comes in.

"How can I help you, Mrs Beckett? You have pain?"

"No, I need to go home- now. It's really important."

"You can't leave, Mrs Beckett. You have to stay for at least one more day. We will see if you can walk with the crutches this very afternoon, I'm sure you won't have any problems, but you have to stay for safety and also for reasons of insurance."

"But I can't stay!"

"You wanna tell me why?" The nurse is getting curious about Kate's nervousness now.

"I'm sorry,but someone's life is at stake!"

"I really can't do that, Kate. You are not ready to leave yet, that's my last word. You can call me when you have any problems." And with these words the nurse walks out and leaves Kate back alone in the room .

She has to get out of here, no matter how. Yes, it was not fair what he said, but it can't end like this. Not after all these years.

She tries to sit up, surprised that she actually doesn't feel any pain-adrenaline, she thinks. She manages to sit up and tries to reach the closet with her right hand. She opens it, and thanks god, she finds some crutches in it. She puts them out and slowly stands up, leaning on them. Step by step she limps over to the bag of clothes Castle brought her earlier. She leans one of the crutches at the wall, reaches for it with her free hand and throws it on her bed. Then she takes the crutches again, walks back to her bed and sits on it. Opening the bag she finds grey sweatpants and a white shirt. It takes her some time until she manages to put it on but after some minutes she slips in her shoes and throws over her jacket.

She's a Detective, it shouldn't be too difficult to get out of this hospital unnoticeably.

* * *

Thanks for reading!

Please leave a review and give me something to work on!:)

Again, THANK YOU SO MUCH, PAOLA! THis would be crap without you :D

See you, guys!


	10. Chapter 10

God, hell of a week. Sorry for the late update!

No beta-reading for this chapter so far, I will edit on the weekend ;)

And just for your info, this story will definitely have a happy-ending. No more dying!

Hope you enjoy :)

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Chapter 10

Out. Just out of here. He's running through the corridors, down the stairs, out of the hospital. He doesn't know where he's heading, he just keeps on running.

Why him? Why is it always him? First, Alexis getting kidnapped, then Kate getting shot and on top of all, his little daughter dying. And everything within not even a week. This is not normal anymore, what the hell is wrong with this world? He didn't do anything, yes, back then, before he met Kate, he may was living the typical rich playboy life, but also there, he never did anything that could be a reason for all of this.

He doesn't even realize that a storm was coming up, the rain sloshes in his face mixing up with his tears. He doesn't know for how long he has been running now, but he is totally out of air and soaking wet. He bends forward and bases his arms on his knees taking some deep breaths. After he has calmed down he looks around. And what he is seeing is a very well familiar place, call it irony of fate- the swings. Should this be a sign for him to go back to Kate? To think about it again? Not to leave her alone back there? Of course he's regretting what he told her, and God no, he didn't mean it. He knows if this is someone's fault, it's his. But he can't explain her, she would never understand. In her place he wouldn't do either. He just had to see her one last time to be completely sure if it really is the right decision to go. And God, he doesn't know it anymore.

* * *

Kate really managed it to escape from that building, she has to find him. Every five seconds she checks her phone, desperately waiting for a text message from Lanie. Without it she has nowhere to start, this is New York- he could be anywhere. But suddenly her phone screen lights up.

_We located him, somewhere in Central Park, he must have been there for a while, I doubt he's doing anything stupid there but if you want we can check?_

_Love you, L_

_No, I think I know what he's doing there, no need to check. I just try to call him. Thanks for your help! _

_Love, K _

Of course, the swings , the swings where they had probably the most important talk after her shooting, the swings she went to before she finally let all her walls down for him. _Their_ swings. She waves over a cab and tells the driver where she wants to go and after about 15 minutes she finally is at the book store she went to see him almost 2 years ago. She quickly hands the driver the money and manages to get out of the car with her crutches. It's raining, just like the last time she came here. Is that a good sign? Slowly she walks over and there he is. It's too dark to see his face but she knows it's him.

* * *

Maybe he should call her, it wasn't right what he blamed her for. She's must be hating him right now, he can't lose her too…if he decides to stay.

Suddenly someone's sitting down on the swing next to him. Kate. Putting her crutches down on the ground.

She just sits there, slowly swinging back and forth.

"Thank you" She says, it sounds like she's whispering or maybe it was just the rain almost drowning her words.

He looks up, right in her eyes, just like he did back then.

"For staying, I mean. I thought I'd lost you…too."

It takes him some time to answer, not finding the right words.

"You almost did. Until I came here I had really thought it was the only way to escape from this. But then I stood here, and call it fate, but I started realizing that running away is just stupid, I mean you know the best what I'm talking about. You were right, the best thing I can do is honoring my daughter, showing everybody that she was the most amazing daughter in the world. When she was a little girl, she always told me she wants to change the world, and she definitely would have made it. I can't do that for her but what I can do is letting people know about her, getting inspired by her. And I inspired murders with my Storm series so I should be able to inspired little girls with my words, right?" His lips form a slight smile. She definitely prefers that side of him.

"I think that's a lovely idea, she really is a role model for girls out there, so intelligent, caring and ambitious."

"Yeah, a little bit like you, she really adored you Kate." He was smiling, finally there were not only bad memories coming to his mind, finally he remembers what really matters.

They sit there in silence, no words needed. They were both thinking about their moments with Alexis, but this time only the good ones and there are so, so many.

After some time Kate stands up on one feet, grabs the crutches and nods over to the street. "Let's go home Rick."

* * *

It didn't took them long to come home, the traffic was surprisingly calm for New York, maybe because of the weather. They just wanted to get home, after all this they need a familiar place where they can finally be on their own. Castle opens the door to his loft, she standing close behind him. She could feel how exhausted and tired he is, he doesn't say anything and he doesn't even have the power to put off his coat. So inside the loft, Kate leans the crutches at the door, unbuttons his coat and hangs it in the closet next to the door.

"Wanna eat sth?" She asks him with a calm voice.

"No, thanks I think I just go to bed, I'm really tired." He smiles weakly. _She's not even mad? How does he deserve this woman?_

"I know, me too, come." She kisses him softly on his cheek touching the other one with her thumb. Then she takes the crutches again and they go into the bedroom, Castle's hand on the small of her back.

She knows there still is a lot to talk about, most important about Alexis funeral. She was still in forensics but a funeral has to be planned well, it's something they will always remember when they think of her, Kate knows that just too well. But also there were some other things, she has to talk with him about the things he said in the hospital and Martha, she's still with her new boyfriend, Theodor, he seems like he could really be a man for this woman, he manages to calm Martha, to comfort her in the probably most horrible situation in her life. She asked Kate if it was ok to go, she knows that she wouldn't be very useful at home in the first few days because she had to get used to the fact of Alexis being dead on her own before she can help her son getting used to it. That's why Kate had no problem with it, she really could understand. But now it's time for all of them to have their family, to go through this together. Kate may will call her tomorrow evening. But that can wait. Now she needs to be there for him.

He closes the bedroom door behind her and then goes to his woman. She obviously can't put off her clothes on her own -_ how did she do that at the hospital?- _so he gently puts off her shorts and pants and pulls one of his shirts over her tiny body. Then he changes his own clothes, he has no power for a shower anymore so he just helps Kate into bed and lies down next to her. Kate curls into his side, her head on his chest and tucks them up.

"Good night, Castle." She whispers into the dark.

"G'night." He replies already half asleep. "I love you."

"I love you, too." And with a smile on her face she finally falls into a deep sleep.

* * *

Maybe not the best chapter, but I hope you keep on reading my story :)

Please leave a review, it's much easier to write when you get feedback on your work!:)

Love


	11. Chapter 11

Hello guys :)

I was thinking whether I should write this as a new fanfiction or put it in this one. I was concerned that it may would be a bit too much drama. But a friend told me that she likes the idea and I mean, this is already loots of drama, a little more doesn't matter anymore.

Hope you don't hate me for writing this. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 11

She wide opens her eyes. God, she's feeling bad, so sick. But no, she can't get ill. Not now. She takes a look at her alarm. 4.50am, great, at least that would explain her headache. Maybe a glass of water will help for the sickness. She gently frees herself out of Rick's arm which was resting over her stomach and gets out of the bed.

Slowly, one quite step after another, trying not to wake him up, she makes her way to the door and opens it. Thank God they're not at her apartment, no squeaking doors. After she left the bedroom, she rushes into the kitchen and pours herself a glass of water. It was empty in seconds, she hadn't realized how thirsty she was, and hopefully she is not getting the flue.

But still the sickness was not much better, maybe something to eat would help, she can't remember the last time she really had some food. But no, not a good idea. Just when she has opened the fridge door, sickness hit her once again, but this time even harder. She slams the fridge and with a hand covering her mouth she runs back through the bedroom, right into the bathroom and throws up, even though there was nothing to throw up. Leaning over the toilet she can hear someone entering the bath. Great, she woke him up.

"Hey." Castle sits down next to her on the floor, gently holding her hair back with one hand, rubbing her back with the other one. She doesn't have to throw up anymore, but she still feels sick so just in case she stays in her position. Castle takes on of her hair ties from the sink and ties up her hair to a ponytail. Then he grabs a washcloth and holds it under the faucet. He hands it to her so she can clean her mouth while he's bringing her a glass of coke.

"Here, that should help." Once again he knees down beside her and holds the glass to her mouth, letting her take a few little sips.

"Thank you, but you should better go back to sleep, you really need it Rick."

"And so do you. I won't be able to sleep while you're here being sick." He puts the glass on the floor. "But do you think you feel ready to go back to bed or would you rather stay here, just in case?" He asks her running his fingers over her back. Her whole body is shaking, she's feeling so weak and tired.

"It's better, I doubt that I have to throw up again and I'm really really tired so…" She tries to get up, but fails since she's way too weak.

"When was the last time you ate something, Kate?" He asks concerned about her fragile body and helps her up.

"I don't know, I was kinda busy the last few days but I think it was our date on the evening when Al-" She doesn't continue, afraid she said something wrong without thinking about it.

"But Kate, that's been 6 days ago!" He was shocked.

"Well I got a few snacks here and there, no need to worry." Now he really realized for the first time that she meant it when she said she's feeling the same he is. This woman got to hell and back in the last days, just like him.

"I tried to eat something when I woke up earlier but obviously I didn't make it." She smiles.

"I can get you something, just stay here." He offers but she refuses.

"That's really sweet, but I have the feeling that food wouldn't be good for my sickness right now, let us just go back to bed, ok?"

"Ok, but let me help you." He lifts her up and carries her back to their bed.

"You have any other symptoms? Headache? Fever?" He softly puts her down on the mattress and covers her with the blanket like a little child.

"No, no fever so far, but still I hope I don't get a flue. The headache is probably just because I'm so tired." He lies down next to her and puts his arm around her waist.

"OK then, try to get some sleep and maybe the next time you wake up, it's gone. " She smiles, she really loves that man.

"Thank you Rick, for being there. G'night"

"Always." He hums in her hair.

When she wakes up the next time, it's 12 am, really unusual for her. But thinking of last night's events she understands. Thanks god, Rick was right, she's feeling much better.

She turns around to face the empty spot next to her, even though she didn't expect him to be here since she can smell the delicious scent of spaghetti he's probably preparing.

She stands up and realizes how hungry she is. So instead of getting ready in the bathroom she walks over to the kitchen where Castle was about to put the spaghetti on their plates.

"Hey there." She greets him and hugs him from behind.

"Hello, sleepyhead. I was glad you were finally able to get some sleep so I didn't wake you for breakfast. I made us some spaghetti, double portion for you." She laughs and helps him preparing the table. After they sit down Kate's thinking about how to start the conversation they urgently have to have.

"Castle…" She starts and by the way or the sound of her voice he knows it's serious and gets a bit scared. He looks right into her eyes, making it even harder for her.

"We have to organize the funeral, Castle. I know, it's hard for you and if you want I can do it on my own but still I need to know some things." She grabs his hand and waits for an answer. Was it too early to ask? No, the funeral will be in the next three or four days, Lanie texted that they almost finished examination. Examination. Ugh. Only thinking of it Kate feels getting sick again. But no, she can't ruin this now.

"I know…I was thinking about it earlier already, but I'm not sure if I can do it, it's all too far away. I still can't believe this is happening, it just feels like a nightmare and its like I desperately wait for Alexis waking me up but it's not happening."

Tears are filling his eyes again. He knows he's getting better but his progress is almost not to mention. He still catches himself thinking about suicide, but he won't tell her that.

"I know, Castle. Feels the same for me, like I'm stuck in this nightmare and I know it will never end. But seriously, it would be a pleasure for me to do the organization for you. At least I wouldn't feel that useless anymore."

He looks up and he can see that she really means it. "Yeah, that would be sweet Kate. But only if you can handle it, if not I just ask someone else…and Kate, "She looks up "You're not useless at all I this. I wouldn't be here, if it was for you, remember?"

"Yeah…" He can't change her opinion, of course he just wants to make her feel better, but she's not sure if he doesn't think the same as she does. That she shouldn't be here, that she should be the one in the examination right now.

"Ok then, let's make this fast ok?" She starts.

"Would Friday- that's the 23rd- at 11am at the Calvary Cemetery be ok for you?"

"Yeah, that would be ok." God, are they really talking about Alexis', his daughter's, funeral?

"Good, I will call there later. Next thing, do you want to give the funeral oration? Or do you want more than one?"

"I will definitely say something, but maybe some others like you, Mother, Paige or Alex can say some words too? That would make the whole thing more comfortable and also she deserves it."

"Yes, I thought about that, too. Ok, I think that's it. I'm really sorry for asking you all these things, but I didn't want to keep you completely out of it since she's your daughter." She squeezes his hand softly, feeling bad for the whole questioning.

"There's no need to apologize, Kate. It's sweet that you do that whole thing for me, completely on your own, you have no idea how much I-" But before he can finish Kate jumps off her chair and runs into the bathroom. Again. She throws up everything she ate which wasn't much but obviously her body still was thinking it was too much. Rick being a gentleman helped her like the night before.

And then it hit her. The funeral will be on Friday, the 23rd. 23rd ! Holy mother of…! No, no, this is not possible! She's late for three weeks! She is never late! Never! Why didn't she notice? Yes, last week wasn't much time for thinking of that kind of things but before! Why didn't she notice?! And why is this happening now? He just lost his daughter, he clearly doesn't want another child right now! If she tells him now, he would leave her! Oh god, this is not fair. She can't be pregnant now!

"Kate, what's wrong?"

* * *

That was unexpected, huh?:D Haha not really, I know. I don't like surprises, which is probably why I'm bad at surprising.

But I can reassure you, this will definitely NOT be a Kate's-pregnancy-fanfiction. I plan to write an epilogue at the end, something like 5 years later…

Tell me what you think about it and leave a review!:) Constructive criticism is always appreciated!

Love

Oh and thanks again to the best beta-reader in the world. As you know I'm german so I kinda suck at english grammar since it's completely different. It's thanks to her that you, my dear readers, are not trying to kill me for killing the english language :D


	12. Chapter 12

Again, late update. But now I have holidays so be prepared for more updates in the next two weeks. I will try to finish this before school starts again.

Hope you enjoy!

-the song is called Angels by the xx-

* * *

Chapter 12

The ceremony was wonderful, you could feel how much Alexis meant to all of the attendants. The funeral wasn't a big event, only the closest people came. Castle, his mother, Meredith, some other relatives and a bunch of her friends. Slowly the church got fuller. Castle, Kate, Martha and Meredith sit in the front row. Kate runs her fingers nervously over her black skirt. The last few days were exhausting, she organized the whole funeral and if she screws this up she can forget her life with Castle. She hasn't told him about the baby so far, maybe in the next week. She hasn't told anyone yet, because she knows what they would tell her. That she has to tell him, no more secrets they promised. Castle has calmed down a bit, it seems like he accepted it, like he knows now that he can't change it, no matter how much he wishes he could.

Alexis is lying in the casket in front of the altar, she's looking so beautiful. Her red hair over her shoulders, pale face, eyes closed. Reminds of snow white, just with the difference that there's no prince who will save her, nothing can get her back. Life is not a fairytale.

"Today we came together to say good-bye to a daughter, a best friend, a girlfriend, a loved one. Way too early she went from us, but sometimes in our life things happen you can't find an explanation for, sometimes you just have to accept it.

At first you try to find the reason, and yes, you may also think you found it, you wanna give yourself the fault. But nobody but her murderer was guilty for her death. Then you wanna know "why? Why her? Why not me?". And that question is the most difficult one.

If there's a god, and I assume most of you believe in God, since you came here today, why did he decide to let this wonderful young woman die. You think it's not fair, you start to doubt in God. And even I can't tell you why these things happen. But what I can tell you is, God does not control us humans, he just gives us leads.

I am sure God didn't want her death, but also he couldn't avoid it. He couldn't control that man, if he truly believed in God, he wouldn't have done it. But he did and now we have to struggle with what he left behind, and with what he didn't leave behind. And the only thing we can do is help each other through this, together and with the help and fate in God we can do this.

And today we came together to start a new beginning. We leave the dark behind and go in the light. Alexis will be the basis for this restart. With everything we do we keep her in mind, she will always be present for each of us. We will rethink some things in our lives, we will wonder "What would she say about this?" "What would she do?" And that's the only thing we can do. Honoring her." The Pastors words resound in the big church hall.

As he finished, Alexis' new boyfriend, Alex, walks in the front and sits down in front of the piano. He called Kate two days ago and said the he heard that she's organizing the funeral. Then he asked her if he could sing a song for Alexis, he told her it was one of her favorite songs and that listening to this song really helps him through this and that it can maybe also help others. Of course she said yes but still she had much respect for him, she couldn't do this in his situation.

He places his hands on the keys and says into the microphone. "This is for you, Alexis. I will never forget you and what we had. Thank you for everything, I love you." And then he begins.

_Light reflects from your shadow.  
It's more than I thought could exist.  
You move through the room, like breathing was easy.  
If someone believed me, they would be as in love with you as I am, they would be as in love with you as I am, they would be as in love with you as I am, they would be in love, love love.  
_  
A single tear runs down her cheek, memories from her mother's funeral come back to her mind. She remembers the Pastors speech from back then, it wasn't very good. Nobody really organized the funeral since her dad was drowning in this deep dark whole. But this one, this one feels right. Feels like it can reach everybody.

_And everyday, I am learning about you.  
The things that no one else sees.  
And the end comes too soon, like dreaming of angels_

Looking to her right she can see how much the Pastor's words must had touched Martha. She's wearing sunglasses but Kate could see the tears on her cheeks. Kate reaches for her hand and squeezes it lightly. On Martha's face was no reaction but suddenly she squeezes back and Kate feels relief. Maybe she didn't do this too bad.

_And leaving without them  
And leaving without them_

Being as in love with you as I am, being as in love with you as I am, being as in love with you as I am,  
being as in love, love, love

_Love, love, love  
Love, love, love_

Then she looks to her left side where Castle's sitting. He's not really crying but in his eyes she can see how much he's suffering. With her left hand she reaches for his and strokes little circles on the back of his hand. He raises his head and his lips form a silent "Thank you." She smiles weakly and again there's this big burden falling from her shoulders.

_And with words unspoken, a silent devotion, I know you know what I mean.  
And the end is unknown, but I think I'm ready.  
As long as you're with me_

Being as in love with you as I am, being as in love with you as I am, being as in love with you as I am. Being as in love, love, love.

Then she lets go his hand as he stands up and walks with Espo, Ryan and Alex to the casket. Cautiously they lift it up and slowly carry it out of the church. Everyone else was following them outside to the cemetery where they all come together around the grave where the men put in her casket.

Kate takes some deep breaths, now it's her turn. What if they think her speech is disrespectful, what if she disappoints them? Castle, Martha, everyone who loved Alexis? Slowly she walks over to the lectern. Before starting she looks into the crowd one last time, Castle's standing in the front row looking straight into her eyes and gives her an encouraging nod. Then she starts.

" I would like to thank you all for showing your love and support by attending the final farewell of such a special girl. Alexis is what I would describe as a perfect human. She was intelligent, fierce and kind. I have to say my relationship with Alexis had its ups and downs. But even before Castle and I became a couple we were very close. Yes, there were moments when she was mad at me, and so was I. But actually the reason for her madness was never because she was egotistical or selfish, no. It was because she was caring. Caring for her father. And that's the attribute I had the most respect for. You didn't have to tell her that you're struggling with something, no, she always knew when something was wrong, and she never ignored it.

During the last months we got even closer, there were evenings when just the two of us were having girls night, watching movies, eating popcorn, talking about boys. It feels like she was the little sister I never had. And now she's gone and with her a big part of my heart broke. Of course I also gave myself the fault for it, I am the cop, it's my job to protect people. But now I know I couldn't do anything, it was too late. And also, she's not gone, she will never be. I will always keep Alexis in my mind, she inspired me and always will.

I think we all should take her as a role model, even though she was younger than most of us. But a character like her is something rare, something unique. We all should try to see the things with her eyes, sympathize for others, remember what advices she gave us, and what advices she would give. And in the end, the last thing we can hope for is to say that we reached only half of what she could have reached in our lives, because that is the most we can do to honor her. I love you Alexis, and I hope there, where you are right now, you get everything you deserve. And that's a lot. "

With those last words she throws a bouquet of white roses into the grave. Then she walks over to her sit and as she sees Castle's face, the tears in his eyes he's trying to hold back, she knows she said the right things. As she sits down she grabs his hand and gives him a slight squeeze before she lets go. Then it's his turn, he walks to the front, takes one last breath trying to let his voice sound stronger than the days before. Then he starts.

"First of all I have to thank you, Kate, for helping me through this, you organized this wonderful day for my daughter completely on your own, I don't understand where you get that strength from, but I know I wouldn't have been able to do this.

Thinking of what I could say today I remembered Alexis' graduation speech, I was so proud of her. She said that there's a universal truth we all have to face, whether we want to or not, that everything eventually ends, that endings are inevitable. But even though people are leaving there are some people who are so much a part of us, they'll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground, our north star and the small clear voices in our hearts that will always be with us. Alexis, you are one of those people for me, you are my North Star, and you will always be with me.

I never thought about what would be if anything would happen to you, because I never expected it, it was too frightening to think about. And then it happened and it drag me in that deep, dark whole -I thought I can never get back again.

But since we can't change anything as much as I would want to, we all have to remember how proud she can be of herself, proud of the way she affected other people's lives. And that's why we shouldn't see today as a sad day, no, we should see this as a celebration of her life. Yes it ended too soon, but at least she had a happy life.

When Meredith told me she was pregnant I was so scared, we were young and just had my big breakthrough, no time for a little baby. But I never ever thought about not keeping her. I knew I would do everything to make the life of this little girl as good as I can. And I think I made a good job. Every day I was wondering where she got this all from. She was such a good person, she was sweet and intelligent, so intelligent. She was probably sometimes more adult than I am. But also we had always fun together, playing Laser Tag, watching movies. Every moment with her was a gift for me.

Our relationship was something unique. I can't imagine a life without her. But I don't have to since she will always be with me. And I wanna make her as proud as she made me. That's the only and most important task of my life now, that's what I live for now. And I hope, one day, I can fulfill this task. I love you, Alexis. Always."

He throws the bouquet of red roses on her casket and goes back to his seat, he doesn't want to cry now, as he said, this shouldn't be a sad day. He sits down and takes Kate's hand, he's so thankful to have her right now. One after another the guests walk to the front, rest for a little moment to speak to Alexis one last time in their thoughts, then through the flowers and go back. It feels very fast to Castle, but he's glad about it. The day was wonderful, yes, but also really exhausting. Facing the whole situation once again was really hard for him. He just wants to go back home and be on his own for some time. Gradually more and more seats get empty until Castle, Kate and Martha were the last people left.

Kate's the first to stand up. "Let's go home, we can come back whenever you want to, but for now I think we all need some rest." She reaches for her hands as they stand up.

"Thank you so much Kate." Martha says. "It was a wonderful day." "Always, Martha, it really was a pleasure for me."

Then they walk over to the car in silence, remembering the great moments they had with Alexis. Kate decided that she won't tell Castle anything about her pregnancy, she will wait until she's completely sure. Maybe she should have told him some days ago when he asked her what's wrong but she just couldn't. Tomorrow she will meet with Lanie and talk to her about it, then she will also take a test to be sure. And when the right moment comes, she will tell him.

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I hope you liked it, please leave a review it would mean a lot to me!:)

I'm not sure if I like this chapter, but I promise Kate will tell Castle soon about the baby ;)

Thanks again to my sister from another mister Paola, thank you so much for your support

Love


	13. Chapter 13

Oh I'm so bad at keeping my word. I said more updates, and what happened? Less updates. I thought since I have vacation I would have more time to write, but basically I spend my whole "new" free time with sleeping and reading other fanfictions. I'm really sorry for my laziness and I hope nobody is mad at me.

Enjoy!

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Chapter 13

As they walk into Castle's loft Martha asks if they want to have a little snack before going to bed, they say yes since they haven't eaten in a long time. The whole drama makes you forget about those "unimportant" things.

They eat some Chinese food they ordered the day before but didn't eat.

"Again Kate, thank you, you really did an awesome job. And I think I can speak for all the people who were there." She smiles gently at Kate who's shyly looking down at her food.

"Thank you, Martha. You know I was actually worried that I couldn't make justice to Alexis. I mean this day was so important, not only for us but also for her. It's the last thing we can do for her and the last time we can show her "in person" how much she meant to us… I thought I maybe can't do that."

She was still staring at her food. She normally doesn't speak about her self-doubts, those emotional kinds of things. But it was them, Martha and Castle. They are her family. And families don't have secrets. Oh, secrets. She actually has a secret. But before she could think about it further, Castle takes her hand.

"But you did. It really was wonderful, of course, somewhere it was painful but knowing that there's no better way to say good bye, that makes it so much easier for me. If I had done it, oh God, it would have turned out horrible and I could never forgive myself for that, so I'm really thankful Kate, I don't even know how I can make this one up to you."

Now she looks up, blue meeting green. She smiles and says." You don't have to. We are family, Cas. That's what families do for each other, right? Helping each other through a rough time. Together."

Martha looks at the couple. They really are made for each other, it's a wonder that it took them so long to figure out. She doesn't want to ruin the moment, but she knows she has to talk to Richard about what happened, the things he just came to know.

"Richard," she begins, "about the adoption thing…" He lets Kate's hand go and turns to his mother and she can see what he is feeling, disappointment, anger, fear. "…I think we should talk about it." And then there was silence, no reaction. Kate knows this is a mother-son conversation she shouldn't be part of. They have to talk about things which are none of her business. He will let her know what he wants her to know afterwards. So she rises from her chair and says "I think so too, but you have to sort this out between just the two of you and also I'm really tired. So I might just go to bed now, good night Martha see you in the morning and we see us later Rick."

She kisses him on the cheek and heads to the bedroom. "Good night Kate." Martha says before the door shuts.

"So it's just the two of us, I guess." This is such an awkward situation. Should she just start telling him what happened back then? Should she wait until he's ready? But before she could make herself even more nervous he finally starts to speak.

"Mother…I want you to know, no matter what happened back then, and no matter who my biological Mother is, you will always be my real Mother. You raised me, I spent my whole life living with you, not her so she's not my Mother, that will always be you. But I can't deny that I'm disappointed of you. You lied to me over all those years. And don't tell me you just waited for the right moment to tell me because you can't tell me that in 43 years there never was a "right" moment."

She can see how hard it is for him to tell her that, but she also can see that he really means it. He is so disappointed and angry, she can see it in his eyes.

"I know Richard, and you have every right to be disappointed or angry, I can completely understand you. And yes, you're right. If that whole thing with your brother hadn't happened, I would probably never have told you. I think I was too scared. Of what would happen. You and Alexis, you two were my life. I don't have anyone else. And I don't know what I would be without you, I don't even know what to do without Alexis, now what should I do if I lose you too? I mean, it's not like a little secret, it's a big bomb that explodes there, and every time I was thinking about telling you, I imagined you being angry, hating me for keeping this from you.

And worst, that you leave me and take Alexis with you, if it was that you send me away or leave me alone back here. But both was nothing that I was able to handle. I thought about a life without the two of you, how it would be. And you know how it always ended? That every day was the same, that I just live my life day by day, hoping it would end soon. And in the end, I would be here, completely on my own, dying alone. And nobody would notice, nobody would care. And you know why that is? Because I'm nothing worth without you. And I know you are angry now, and I know you probably just want me to leave your life. But please, before you tell me that, think about it very well." Tears are running down her cheek, it breaks him to see her like this. And it's all just because of him.

"Mother, for nothing in the world I would leave you alone. You are a part of my life, you, Kate and Alexis. And now that Alexis is gone, I don't want my life to fall apart even more, I hardly manage to live without my daughter, so why should I do this to myself? And why should I do this to you? I mean yes, at first I was angry that you didn't tell me but actually it doesn't really change anything. I'm still the same person. I'm not disappointed because you never told me that you aren't my biological mom, it's more because you kept a secret over all these years. And I seriously can't say that I can forgive you, but I accept how it is since we can't change it anymore…Just…just promise me you will never do this again, ok?" He grabs her hand and covers it with his.

"Oh son, I promise that. You said today that you don't know why Alexis was such a good person, that you don't understand where she got it from. I know where from. He's right in front of me. And I'm so proud of you. I know I don't deserve this much understanding, Richard. And I'm so thankful for it and I can tell you I will never forgive myself for that, a mother should never lie to her son. And if you want to know anything about your biological parents, just ask me and I will tell you, ok?" She wipes away her tears, happy about how this conversation turned out, she expected it to get so much worse.

"Ok, maybe, one day I will. But for now I know enough and I think we should really go and get some sleep." He rises from his sit and so does Martha.

"Yes, I think so, too, and please tell Kate again how much I love her for being there for us right now. G'night, Richard, and thank you." She kisses him on his cheek as he replies. "G'night, I love you Mother." He smiles weakly and turns around. She watches him as he walks into the bedroom. And she smiles. It's like after all the bad things that happened recently, it's finally going upwards again.

He quietly walks into the bedroom, afraid to wake her up. He shuts the door behind him, changes his clothes and lies down next to the body that has become so familiar the last months.

"Hey, how was it?" Kate suddenly asks and turns around to face him.

"You're still awake? I thought you were asleep…" He says a little bit shocked.

"Yes, it was pretty funny to watch you lurking around." She laughs. "But now, tell me, are you two fine or did it turn into a fight ?" She asks concerned.

"No, no fight. Actually it turned out pretty well. She told me why she kept it to herself over all these years and I can understand her, since I was keeping kind of a secret from you for 3 years. But you know, I still can't completely forgive her, just like we can't forgive us for it, because we know how stupid it was and how much time we wasted because of it."

"Yeah, I can understand that too, and I think so does she. Actually I expected you to be much angrier."

"Well, if Alexis hadn't passed away and I had found out somehow different, I'm sure I would have reacted much angrier. But now, I always have Alexis in my mind, what she would say, and in this situation I know she would have told me the I should try to understand her. And that's what I did and for me, it worked out."

"That's really sweet, Castle. And I'm happy for you two that it worked out so well." She smiles at him and gives him a short kiss.

God, this woman is so perfect. Gina, Meredith or any of his ex-girlfriends wouldn't be able to understand him right now, what he's feeling and they would have never done what she did for him.

"Thank you so much, Kate."

"For what?"

"For staying and not running away."

"Always."

He comes closer to her, her face right in front of his, one of her legs between his, he kisses her passionately and she can feel nothing but love for that man. And then it hits her, she has to tell him. Now. She doesn't want to keep this secret away from him any longer, keeping secrets is never a good thing obviously. And right now, she doesn't deserve that love he gives her. So she pulls away.

"Rick, I have to tell you something."

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That's it. Cliffhanger-alert.

Leave a review, I love to see that people actually READ my story.

And thanks again to Paola, but you already know that I love you, so yeah.

Love


	14. Chapter 14

Happy Easter, guys! Here's my little Easter egg for you, hope you enjoy!

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Chapter14

„Rick, I have to tell you something."

"I'm listening." He says a bit confused.

She breaks away from him and sits up on the bed. "But first you have to know that I didn't want to keep this from you, but it was just bad timing, really bad timing. If I had told you earlier you would have probably just kicked me out of your loft…and your life."

"Kate?"He also rises and sits up in front of her. It can't be that bad, right? What is she talking about? He would never ever kick her out of his life.

She just stares at her hands. "Rick…I…I think I'm pregnant" She doesn't dare to look in his eyes, too afraid what she would see there. Tears are streaming down her face, why must this happen now? Yes of course she thought about having children with Castle. Maybe in some years, but not now!

"Hey…Kate." He lifts her head up with his hand so he can see her face. And oh, he doesn't seem mad, no he actually seems to be pretty happy. "You're pregnant?" His eyes light up, his Kate is pregnant from him. THEY made a baby.

"I'm pretty sure." She sniffs but smiles. "You are not mad?"

"Why should I be mad? I love you Kate and this is what I always wanted. A future with you, a family." He kisses her deeply and she can feel that he really is happy, extremely happy. She still can't believe it. As they let go to catch some air she leans her forehead on his.

"But Alexis…"She says.

"She would also freak out about the news! Just because my daughter is not with us anymore doesn't mean that we can never have children on our own, Kate. I'm completely sure Alexis is happy for us, she always wanted a little sibling, and now she gets one."

"Yeah but Castle, she will never hold that child in her arms, she will never play with him, never talk him, and I don't want to replace her or anything like that, I don't want people to think that I can just go on with life like nothing happened, I don't want _you_ to think that."

"Why would I think that?" He asks in shock, does she really think that he would ever be able to think that about her?

"You already told me at the hospital." She turns her head so she doesn't have to face him, she's not sure if it's the right moment to talk about this.

"Kate, my daughter died just hours before I threw those things at your head. I was a wreck, and I was so mad. Not at you, but at myself and the whole situation, I thought it was just so unfair. And at one point that whole anger inside of me exploded and I'm really sorry that I took it out on you. I'm so, so sorry Kate, I never wanted you to feel guilty."

"But Castle, actually you were right. The whole last years it was all about me, my mom's case, the shooting, everything. And you were the one who helped me through this, you saved me Castle. But nobody ever asked about you, I never helped you. I was so selfish…"

"You never helped me? Kate, you remember how I was like when we first met, that egotistical and narcissistic playboy? You don't get to see that man too often anymore, right? And guess why that is."

"Because you got old and women stopped chasing you?" She chuckled.

"No?! I still could get plenty of women if I want to, it's just that I don't need to be like that anymore since I have you. Back then I thought I have to be like that because it's never good to be vulnerable when everything you do is on page 6. So just like you I built up walls, created that other side of me to make myself inviolable, never told anyone how I was feeling . And then some day I reached the point where I liked being that playboy-jackass. I was young, I was not looking for a long relationship, I wasn't looking for love. I just wanted to have fun, money and women. And with that personality I got what I wanted pretty easily. I got older without even noticing, not thinking about the fact that it's actually time to change, time to find somebody to make my stand with in this world.

But then I met you, and you were so different from all the women I met before. You made me think about my life once more, you made me realize that it's time for a change. And then I fell in love with you, Kate. It was the first time I had that feeling for a woman who's not Alexis or Mother. And I knew that you are that woman I want to make a stand, a life with. So yes Kate, you helped me, you made me become a better person."

"I did?" Actually he was right, maybe she has not helped him with words like he did, he's the author, that's his thing, but maybe she did it in her way, with her love. And that wouldn't be too bad, right?

"You did. And I bet I would be quite a sad man if it wasn't for you."

"Well, then I should be pretty honored to be the woman who was able to change bestseller author Richard Castle, hm?" She teased him and comes closer to his face, noses touching. How is he doing that? Driving her crazy with every word, every gesture.

"Yeah, yeah I think you should." With that he overcame the remaining space between them and gave her a soft kiss, she responds by pulling him closer towards her falling back in the bed. But before she can put off his shirt he stops kissing her and starts to smile at her like an idiot.

"What now, Cas?" She's getting a little bit inpatient now.

"We get a Caskett- baby, Kate" His whole face shines bright in excitement, it's great to see him finally happy again.

"I know." She laughs and kisses him once again. "But we have to be sure, so let me take a test tomorrow, before we crow too soon."

"That will be the first thing we do tomorrow. But honestly, I had my suspicions, the morning you had to throw up, I really had a moment where I was like 'Oh god, you know this just too well' But I didn't say anything since I thought you would maybe get angry." He laughs.

"Yeah well, that's what I was thinking, too." She laughs, he's so her soul-mate. "But for now, let's stop talking and go on with what you just interrupted." She says and pulls him back to her.

* * *

Every morning Castle turns around to see his woman, he loves that moment that became routine in the last months, he's always awake before her and he uses these minutes to do that "creepy look" on her she always complains about, but he just has to remember himself every day of the fact that they made it, finally. But as he turns around this morning she's not there, her side of the bed is empty.

Maybe she got sick again, he thinks and makes his way out off bed, over to the bathroom, but when he tries to open the door, he has to realize that its locked. "Kate?" No respond. "Kate? Are you ok? If you have to throw up again, just give me a sign and I will break in the door." With that the door suddenly opens, but as he walks in there's nobody leaning over the toilet but his girlfriend is sitting on the edge of the bath tub staring down on something she's holding in her hands.

"Is that what I think it is?" He asks calmly.

"Yes" He can feel how nervous she is, that the waiting drives her crazy.

"And?"

"We have to wait for another minute."

He walks towards her and sits down next to her.

"There's no reason to be nervous Kate, there's actually no doubt that you're pregnant. I mean the morning sickness, that glow you have and oh, recently you are pretty emotional for the Kate I know."

She smiles at him. "I know, that's not why I'm nervous, I'm kinda sure I am pregnant, it's just… I don't know if I can do this, of course, yes, I want this, but I'm just not sure if-"

He can see these self-doubts again, these totally reasonless self-doubts.

"Kate, I know you will be a great mother, just look at the way you were with Alexis, you were a better Mom to her than Meredith ever was, although she was not even your child. So don't you dare doubting about that."

She smiles and comes closer to kiss him, but Castle suddenly shouts. "Oh God! We are pregnant Kate, oh my God, look!" She looks down on the test and sees the little pink plus sign. "Shit's getting real now, hm, Cas?" She stands up and hugs him. He doesn't even think about letting her go and hugs her even tighter. "Oh God, Kate, I can't believe this is happening." "I know" Gasping for air she finally manages to pull back a bit and kisses him. "I love you so much, Castle." He kisses her back passionately and grins against her lips. "I love you even more." He takes away the test from her and puts it on the sink. Then he grabs her hand and leads her back into the bedroom.

Kate never expected to be that happy about being pregnant, she has never been the sort of girl who wants to have children and a husband when she's adult. She always thought it is way better to be independent, but that was before Castle. Now she knows having a family doesn't mean that you can't be independent and in that way you never have to be alone. It's so much better than everything she ever could have dreamt of.

As he drags her down on the bed she asks "By the way, Castle, did you may say "_We _are pregnant"?"

"Well, I have the feeling, in the next 9 months I will sometimes feel more pregnant that you will." He laughs and turns on top of her. "And now, let's celebrate this little perfect human." He says as he puts her shirt up and places a soft kiss on her stomach. He will be such a good father, Kate thinks.

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I decided that this is my last "real" chapter, the epilogue will be up this week. I have planned something like "5 years later…", since I think that's better than writing 10 more chapters about the pregnancy. For that I'm too lazy, sorry. :D

Reviews are as always very appreciated!:)

Love

Thanks Paola, for everything.


	15. Chapter 15

Yeah, I'm kind of and dumbass. I finished this Friday and just forgot to upload it. But now, here is the result. The last chapter of my story. Enjoy and leave a review, I would really appreciate it!

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**Epilogue**

6 years later

As the front door rings inside, Rick rises from his seat, closes his laptop and goes into the house to open it.

"Hey, Mrs Castle." He gives the woman in front of him a kiss, it's been 3 years since he can call the love of his life finally his wife.

"Hi, Cas." She replies and walks into their house. He closes the door and follows her inside.

"Mooommy" The little girl comes running down the stairs and jumps in her mother's arms.

"Hey my darling, didn't you want to go to Taylor today?" Taylor is Esposito and Lanie's little son, Lanie found out she's pregnant only half a year after Kate did, the pregnancy was much easier for both of them like this- misery loves company.

"Yeah, but I wanted to wait until you're home, mommy. I wanted to show you this first, look, I draw this in kindergarten today." The little girl who hears of the name Hazel hands Kate a sheet of paper.

"Oh God, Hazel, it's beautiful." She says even though she can hardly guess what it shows, but she's her daughter and she loves everything she's doing. Only a few years ago Kate could never believe how blind parents could be, saying that their children are the best at Tennis even though they lose every match, at playing the violin even though the sites are almost cracking through, at singing even though everybody else would love to plug their ears.

But now she understands. She loves that little girl like nothing else in the world, she's everything for her and she would support her in anything she wants. Still she hopes her little girl will explain her the drawing since she wouldn't know what to say if Hazel asks her what it shows.

"I know." Hazel says proud. "Look, this is Daddy."

Castle walks over to his girls to have a look at the picture. "Oh, I really look attractive, thank you, darling." He laughs and gives his daughter a kiss on her head.

"Well, I think I didn't draw you very good, maybe a bit too far away from reality."

The little girl laughs and Castle asks Kate with a fake-offended voice. "Did you tell her to say that?" "No I didn't, but I have to admit, I really raised her well, didn't I?" He grins at her. "Yes you did…with my help of course." He gives her a kiss but Hazel interrupts them.

"Urgh, Mommy, Daddy, stop it, that's disgusting." She makes a nauseated face and her parents start to laugh. "One day, my dear, you will understand." Kate says and strokes her hair. "No, never. Taylor tried to kiss me yesterday." "He did?" Castle asks. Overprotective Dad, Kate thinks amused. "Yeah, but I don't wanna talk about it." "You hear that, Castle? I thought this would start when she's like 12 or 13. Not when she's 5."

"Mom, I don't wanna talk about it because it was disgusting!" "I know, darling, I know." She laughs. "Now, let's see what else you draw..oh that's you right?" Kate points on the little stickman with brown hair and blue eyes in the middle." "Yes, and look, that's Alexis, isn't she beautiful?" Hazel asks. They tell her stories about her big sister every evening as a bed-time story, they don't want to keep Alexis away from Hazel, they want her to know who and how she was. They haven't told her what exactly happened back then, that can wait until she's older.

"Yes, looks actually really like Alexis, don't you think, Rick?"

"Yes, she looks stunning, Hazel."

"Thank you, and look Mommy, that's you and Julie." She points at the woman next to Alexis. She has also brown hair, just like Hazel but her eyes are green, and she has a little baby in her arms, without a face. "I haven't drawn the face yet, since we don't know how she will look, but as soon as she's born, I finish it."

"Oh, that's really sweet, Hazel. We can hang it in her room if you want." Rick asks his little girl. "Yes, and maybe we can make copies so I can also have one and oh, for your bedroom also one maybe."

"Yes that's a wonderful idea, my darling." Rick smiles at the little girl. She reminds him so much of Alexis, she's so bright and she's so good at repartee. He is so glad he has this family now. Martha decided to live with her fiancé after Rick moved out. It took him some time to process what she told him that night, but he never thought about breaking contact, no actually they still have much contact. Martha comes and visits her grandchild every weekend and sometimes when Kate has to work on the weekends and Rick is occupied with writing she takes her for a visit to the Zoo.

"Now, go, Hazel, we don't want you to keep you from going to Taylor, but be back at 6." "Sure Mommy." She gives her mom a quick kiss on the cheek, same to her dad. "Bye!" She yells as she's running to the door.

"Bye, honey, but watch out that he's not trying to kiss you again!" Castle jokes as the door closes.

"I bet he will be her first boyfriend." Kate says smiling at the door.

"Oh God, can we wait with this for like…the next 15 years." He says in worry about his little girl.

Kate laughs and puts her hand around his neck to kiss him but he says. "Besides, he's already friend-zoned…thanks God." She giggles and says. "Well, you have been my best friend for how many years before we made out?"

Castle freezes. Touché. "Right."

She laughs and finally kisses him. They both still have butterflies in their stomachs each time they look at each other, nothing about their feelings has changed in the last 8 years. And they are sure it will never do.

"Now, Castle, how was the writing?" She asks as she grabs his hand to lead him outside on the terrace.

"Actually, awesome. I think I may finish the book in the next 3 or 4 days. And I have a feeling…bestseller-alert! " Since Alexis death he is not only writing the Nikki Heat series anymore, he has also started a new one now. The Stella Belle series. They are books for teenagers and the first 3 were all New York times bestsellers. He basically just writes about the life of his daughter, he decided long time ago that that's the best way he can honor her dealing with typical teenager problems but also with Alexis personality in particular. He gets letters from girls in the age between 10 and 17 every day telling him how much the books inspired them and that they want to be like her one day. Also the chances are not bad that there will be a movie about his new series in the next year.

But the book he's writing right now is another Nikki Heat book, the 8th to be exact. It's called _Summer Heat_ and it's about the last year of his life. Of course it's again about another murder but mostly it's about Nikki and Rook starting to build a family, they are married now, have their second child, just like Kate and him. People believing in the curse of moonlighting told him it would be the end of Nikki Heat if Rook and Nikki ever have a "perfect life" together. But they were wrong.

The last book which was actually similar to this one, just that it was more about the wedding than their children, was the most sold Nikki Heat book ever.

"Can I read it as soon as you're finished?" She asks as she sits down in one of the sun lounger on the terrace. He sits down on the one next to her and says. "Oh, is someone maybe a little bit curious…or impatient?"

She grins. "Maybe."

"Let me think about it." He teases her and she's rolling her eyes, just like they have always done it, and they still love it.

"No, of course you can." He smiles and leans over to her to give her a kiss. He strokes her stomach and says. "I can't wait for you, little Julie." He says.

"Yeah me neither, I have the feeling every child you get is perfect, so I have no worries about this one." She laughs and kisses him again.

"I love you Kate, I love our life, our family, it's perfect, I don't know how I deserve this."

"I love you too. And yeah, it's perfect, but trust me, after all we've been through together, we deserve it." She smiles and makes some place so he can lie down next to her in the lounger, snuggling in his side. Yeah, they really deserve to be happy.

_To my Family._

_A - I know you're always with me, I talk to you every day, but still -I miss you._

_H - you must have got your perfection from your mother, but clearly the sense of humor is mine._

_J - I can't wait to hold you in my arms for the first time, hurry up, little girl._

_K - thank you for everything. You have done so much for me, you saved me. I know I don't deserve you but I will never let you go. _

_No matter the obstacles, I love you, always. _

* * *

That's it, guys. I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it! And thank you so much for the great feedback!

I will definitely continue writing in English, also because I really need to improve since I will probably write my seminar paper completely in English for senior class next year.

Adios, my dear readers!

Love.

Thank you, Paola, for the beta-reading, even though you were sometimes not that objective. But still, this would be a story full of grammar and spelling mistaces if you didnt help me, so thank you so so much!


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